Date: 02 Nov 95 02:34:30 EST
From: Anthony T. Field
Subject: The Farther Side
To: Anthony T. Field
Here's a little something from the Great White North... eh?
Taken from Toronto Star Oct 30, 1995.
Udder chaos sweeps Eaton Centre
`Bomb' turns out to be milk carton
The Eaton Centre was thrown into udder chaos yesterday when what should 
have been a mooo-ving experience bombed out.
A talking milk carton containing two wires was mistaken for an explosive 
And that forced thousands of people to evacuate the giant downtown mall 
for about three hours until Metro police bomb squad officers blew up the 
bomb--er, milk carton.
Cause of the fuss was a contest in which consumers can win prizes such as 
cars, holidays and snowboards if the milk carton "moos."
Winning cartons contain a device which make the sound.
"I think the milk marketing board should know what kind of manpower and 
aggravation they've caused," said Sergeant Doug Walker of the emergency 
task force following the afternoon bomb scare.
Hours later, Detective John Tinkler examined the remains of the milk 
carton inside a soggy plastic evidence bag and joked:  "I don't know if 
it said anything, but since I got it, it hasn't talked at all."
Eaton Centre officials were not amused.
"I just can't understand the intelligence of these people who put out a 
package like this as a promotion," said general manager Dennis Harrs.
"It's regrettable but under the circumstances we had no choice but to 
follow standard procedure" and evacuate the centre, he said.
Harrs said the loss of business was certainly bound to be in the hundreds 
of thousands of dollars.
About 35 Metro police officers, fire department and ambulance employees 
were involved.  Shoppers and employees were moved from 116 shops and 
restaurants on three levels of half the mall at 2:37 p.m.
Traffic was closed along a portion of Queen and Yonge Sts.
The moo-mentous incident began when an employee of Cultures, a 
third-floor restaurant, went to check the condiment counter and spotted 
something suspicious about a 1-litre carton of milk.
"The employee noticed two wires going down into a plastic bag inside and
called Eaton's security," Tinker said. 
Bomb squad officers called to the scene confirmed it was a suspicious 
device and ordered t eh complete evacuation of the south end of the mall.
An X-ray showed a sophisticated device complete with batter, circuits and 
a micro-chip.
Date: 03 Nov 95 00:54:45 EST
From: Anthony T. Field
Subject: The Farther Side
To: Anthony T. Field
Welcome Dan to the list!!
In case you haven't received this one yet, it's been going around for a week or so...
>> I am a child of the eighties. That is what I prefer to be called. The
>> nineties can do without me. Grunge isn't here to stay, fashion is
>fickle and "Generation X" is a myth created by some over-40 writer
>trying to figure out why people wear flannel in the summer. When I got
>home from school, I played with my Atari 2600. I spent hours playing
>Pitfall or Combat or Breakout or Dodge'em Cars or Frogger. I never did
>beat Asteroids. Then I watched "Scooby Doo." Daphne was a Goddess, and I
>> thought Shaggy was smoking something synthetic in the back of their
>> psychedelic van. I hated Scrappy.
>> I would sleep over at friends' houses on the weekends. We played army
>with G.I. Joe figures, and I set up galactic wars between Autobots and
>> Decepticons. We stayed up half the night throwing marshmallows and
>Velveeta at one another. We never beat the Rubik's Cube.
>> I got up on Saturday mornings at 6 a.m. to watch bad Hanna-Barbera
>cartoons like "The Snorks," "Jabberjaw," "Captain Caveman," and "Space
>Ghost." In between I would watch "School House Rock." ("Conjunction
>junction, what's your function?")
>> On weeknights Daisy Duke was my future wife. I was going to own the
>General Lee and shoot dynamite arrows out the back. Why did they weld
>the doors shut? At the movies the Nerds got Revenge on the Alpha Betas
>by teaming up with the Omega Mus. I watched Indiana Jones save the Ark
>of the Covenant, and wondered what Yoda meant when he said, "No, there
>is another."
>> Ronald Reagan was cool. Gorbachev was the guy who built a McDonalds in
>> Moscow. My family took summer vacations to the Gulf of Mexico and
>collected "Muppet Movie" glasses along the way. (We had the whole set.)
>My brother and I fought in the back seat. At the hotel we found creative
>uses for Connect Four pieces like throwing them in that big air
>conditioning unit.
>> I listened to John COUGAR Mellencamp sing about Little Pink Houses for
>Jack and Diane. I was bewildered by Boy George and the colors of his
>dreams, red, gold, and green. MTV played videos. Nickelodeon played "You
>Can't Do That on Television" and "Dangermouse." Cor! HBO showed Mike
>Tyson pummel everybody except Robin Givens, the bad actress from "Head
>of the Class" who took all Mike's cashflow.
>> I drank Dr. Pepper. "I'm a Pepper, you're a Pepper, wouldn't you like
>to be a Pepper, too?" Shasta was for losers. TAB was a laboratory
>accident. Capri Sun was a social statement. Orange juice wasn't just for
>breakfast anymore, and bacon had to move over for something meatier.
>> My mom put a thousand Little Debbie Snack Cakes in my Charlie Brown
>lunch box, and filled my Snoopy Thermos with grape Kool-Aid. I would
>never eat the snack cakes, though. Did anyone? I got two thousand cheese
>and cracker snack packs, and I ate those.
>> I went to school and had recess. I went to the same classes everyday.
>Some weird guy from the eighth grade always won the science fair with
>the working hydro-electric plant that leaked on my project about music
>and plants. They just loved Beethoven.
>> Field day was bigger than Christmas, but it always managed to rain
>just enough to make everybody miserable before they fell over in the
>three-legged race. Where did all those panty hose come from? "Deck the
>Halls with Gasoline, fa la la la la la la la la," was just a song.
>Burping was cool. Rubber band fights were cooler. A substitute teacher
>was a baby sitter/marked woman. Nobody deserved that.
>> I went to Cub Scouts. I got my arrow-of-light, but never managed to
>win the Pinewood Derby. I got almost every skill award but don't
>remember ever doing anything.
>> The world stopped when the Challenger exploded.
>> Did a teacher come in and tell your class?
>> Half of your friends' parents got divorced.
>> People did not just say no to drugs.
>> AIDS started, but you knew more people who had a grandparent die from
>> cancer.
>> Somebody in your school died before they graduated.
>> When you put all this stuff together, you have my childhood. If this
>stuff sounds familiar, then I bet you are one, too.
>> We are children of the eighties. That is what I prefer "they" call it.
Date: 08 Nov 95 05:54:49 EST
From: Anthony T. Field
Subject: The Farther Side
To: Anthony T. Field
Well, it's been a while, but then again, we all need a break now and then, right?  Here's 
some Letterman for you. 
   "Top Ten Signs You Have a Bad Airline Pilot"
   As presented on the September 8, 1993 (9/8/93) broadcast of LATE SHOW
   10. You overhear him say on the intercom "Hey, Pedro, What's this gizmo do?"
   9. For the past two hours, you've been going straight up
   8. He says, "We're cruising at an altitude of 40 feet"
   7. Co-pilot is sitting on his lap
   6. When you take off he yells, "Weeeeeeeeee!"
   5. At some point he announces, "Screw Chicago, Let's go find that Mars observer!"
   4. He's wearing a Domino's Pizza uniform
   3. Over P.A. you hear, "Heh, heh, heh, this plane sucks, heh, heh, heh"
   2. As you get on the plane you recognize the pilot as the same guy who drove your cab to 
the airport
   1. Keeps referring to the control tower as "Mommy"
Date: 09 Nov 95 02:22:11 EST
From: Anthony T. Field
Subject: The Farther Side
To: Anthony T. Field
Here's something that Andy wrote.  Hope you like it.  Also, below is attached  a desperate 
plea/offer for housing, and a possibly outdated petition.
20 Ways to Add a Little Excitement to Your Freshman Seminar:
by (®)
come on, you knew it had to happen sometime...
20. In the middle of the discussion (this works best if the prof is speaking at the moment) 
subtly, but urgently, signal to him/her that he/she has a piece of food stuck to the corner of 
his/her mouth, by pointing to your own mouth.  When he/she reaches for it, change the 
location of the "food".  (i.e. moustache, chin, forehead)  Repeat as necessary.
19. Bring a large jar of mustard into class and begin eating it with a spoon.  When asked 
about it, tell the professor that you will return the spoon to the cafeteria, and to, for Christ's 
sake, chill out!!
18. Take out your wallet, and begin counting your money.  "Carelessly" drop a bill of a 
large denomination every once in a while (the farther from your chair, the better), pick it up 
17. Try braiding your nose hair.
16. On occasion, whenever the professor states a fact that he seems especially sure of, 
declare in a singsong voice "ding dong, you're wrong."
15. Ask the professor to proofread your notes in the middle of a heated classroom 
discussion.  Tell him it's urgent, then, hesitantly, nervously, ask whether he/she spells 
"moustache" with or without an "o".
14. Before class apply red dots with a magic marker to a small area on your inner forearm.  
Scratch it constantly and visibly, and ask questions unrelated to the discussion, having 
instead to do with various highly contagious and deadly diseases.
13. Take off your shoe and speak into the heel: "Hello, Mom?  I'm talking on the new 
Sports Illustrated Sneaker Phone (tm)."
12. Stare noticeably at the clock and start making loud throat-clearing noises starting fifteen 
minutes before the end of class.
11. To fortify your stance in the discussion, cock one eyebrow (this may take practice 
beforehand) and sagely quote your favorite heavy metal songs.
10. Cover every last inch of your notebook paper with pencil, and take notes in eraser.  
9. Ask to borrow the professor's pen/pencil, and chew it up beyond recognition.  Offer it 
back at the end of class.  When he/she tells you to keep it, look taken aback and exclaim 
"But I hardly know you."  Threaten with legal action.
8. Draw pictures of barbells and steamboats on your biceps. Through mannerisms and 
voice distortion, imply that you are Popeye the Sailor Man.
7. When asked to answer a factual question, glare at the prof and shout "You can't handle 
the truth!!"  
6. Hum an obscure passage from the theme to "Jurassic Park" over and over.  When asked 
to stop, act sullen, grumbling something about lack of appreciation for American culture.
5. Bring an empty 1 gallon milk jug to class.  Every hour, on the hour, aim it at whoever is 
talking and stomp on it, maing the cap fly off.  Whether it hits or not is unimportant.  Just 
remember, you did NOT do it.
4. Swear forcefully and leave the room hurriedly, coming back in only to ask the professor 
to remember to turn off the lights when he leaves.
3. If the professor raises his/her voice above a whisper, halt the discussion and 
condescendingly remind the professor to use "our inside voices".
2. Imply, without actually vocalizing, to the class that you are concerned that your left 
pinky toe may be bigger than your right.  Do NOT take your shoes off to do this.  Instead, 
try to be creative.
**And if all else fails, rely on the old standby...
1. Stare longingly and dejectedly at a well-worn photograph of Alex Trebek and murmur 
"You're all I've got left."  Ask in a quavering voice to buy a vowel, and leave the room in 
tears.  Pretend to be too emotional to notice the discrepancy between game shows.
take my apartment!!!  if you happen to have sucky housing (98s??!?) or just want to move 
off-campus help me out and take my snazzy apartment for winter term - spring/summer too 
IF you want (how convienient i know)!!  i'm off and gone in the winter and well, can't 
*really* afford to keep an apartment with no one in it!!!  it's fully furnished, two 
bedrooms, a living room, full bath, kitchen, balcony, parking space, i have a modem to 
give you so you'd have blitzmail . . . and believe me i'm willing to throw a whole lot more 
in if you'll even consider i'm so desperate (i can help move you in at the end of this term 
and everything)!!!  it's only $850 per month - so if you live 3 people (like me) it's cheaper 
than dorms, and if you live 2 it's a little more but hey - you've got an entire apartment not a 
two room double!!!  anyways, everything is negociable at this point - blitz sariya or call 
643-0251 if you're remotely interested and if everyone could do me a heeeyoooge favour 
and pass this along i'd worship the cold ground you walk on for at least two weeks =)
thanks much
: )
> > Will you support this petition to get the French nuclear tests stopped?
> > 
> > Just add your name to the end of this numbered list and forward on to as
> > many people as possible.  (Do not reply to sender )
> > Subject: Stop (French) Nuclear Tests
> > 
> > 
> >    1  SHIMIZU Seishi     Physics,University of Tokyo,Japan
> >    2  Yuichi Nishihara   Physics,University of Tokyo,Japan
> >    3  Hirohisa TANIGUCHI Physics,University of Tokyo,Japan
> >    4  Takashi Tomoeda    Physics,University of Tokyo,Japan
> >    5  Tomoki KOBAYASHI   Physics,University of Tokyo,Japan
> >    6  Munehito ARAI      Physics,University of Tokyo,Japan
> >    7  Akira Okazaki      Physics,University of Tokyo,Japan
> >    8  Atsushi Matsumura  Physics, Tohoku University, Japan
> >    9  Kouta Yamamoto     Chemistry,Tohoku University,Japan
> >   10 Yasushi UJIOKA     Degremont S.A., France
> >   11 Toru Hara          Universite de Paris Sud, France
> >   12 Rene Bakker        CEA - Sacley, France
> >   13 David Garzella     Universite de Paris Sud, France
> >   14 Henk Blok          Vrije Universiteit/NIKHEF, Amsterdam
> >   15 Igor Passchier     NIKHEF, Amsterdam
> >   16 Ard van Sighem     NIKHEF, Amsterdam
> >   17 Johan Noordhoek    KOL Leiden
> >   18 C.M.C.M. van Woerkens Kamerlingh Onnes Laboratory, Leiden
> >   19 Annemarie Borst,   Vrije Universiteit Amsterdam
> >   20 Gijs Nelemans      Universiteit Utrecht
> >   21 Susanne Buiter     Universiteit Utrecht
> >   22 Yvo Kok            Paleomagnetic Lab., Utrecht
> >   23 Thom Pick          Paleomagnetic Lab., Utrecht University
> >   24 Dagmar Olbertz     Universiteit Utrecht
> >   25 Eleonore Stutzmann Institut de Physique du Globe de Paris, France
> >   26 Nicole Girardin    Institut de Physique du Globe de Paris, France
> >   27 Francois Girardin  Ecole Nat. Sup. des Telecommunications, France
> >   28 J.-P. Chaboureau   Lab. Meteorologie Dynamique,France
> >   29 F. CHERUY          Lab. Meteorologie Dynamique, France
> >   30 G.L.Liberti        Lab. Modelisation climat et environnement, CEA,
> > France
> >   31 David Stephenson   Centre Europeen de Recherche et Formation Avancee en
> > Calcul Scientifique, Toulouse, France
> >   32 Dr. Ralph P. Sobek Centre Europeen de Recherche et Formation Avancee en
> > Calcul Scientifique, Toulouse, France
> >   33 Marc Vaisset       LAAS, Toulouse, France
> >   34 Jerome Perret      LAAS, Toulouse, France
> >   35 Michael Kaiser     Comp.Sci./Robotics, University of Karlsruhe, Germany
> >   36 Volker Klingspor   Universitaet Dortmund, Germany
> >   37 Peer Kuchenmeister Universitaet Bonn, Germany
> >   38 Carsten Dorgerloh  Universitaet Bonn, Germany
> >   39 Andrea Kuth        GMD Sankt Augustin, Germany
> >   40 Guido Pfeiffer     GMD Sankt Augustin, Germany
> >   41 Christoph Dahmen   GMD Sankt Augustin, Germany
> >   42 Dr. Holger Veit    GMD Sankt Augustin, Germany
> >   43 Dr. Gernot Richter GMD Sankt Augustin, Germany
> >   44 Manfred Domke      GMD Sankt Augustin, Germany
> >   45 Josef Boerding     GMD Sankt Augustin, Germany
> >   46 Dr. Werner Emde    GMD Sankt Augustin, Germany
> >   47 Edgar Sommer       GMD Sankt Augustin, Germany
> >   48 Hans Guesgen       University of Auckland, New Zealand
> >   49 Julian Harris      University of Auckland, New Zealand
> >   50 Barry Fenn         University of Auckland, New Zealand
> >   51 Mary Gardner       University of Otago, New Zealand
> >   52 Roger Booth        University of Auckland, New Zealand
> >   53 Kevin Ashbridge    University of Tuebingen, Germany
> >   54 Peter L. Nelson    Psychology, West Georgia College, U.S.A.
> >   55 Nadine Levick      Emergency Medicine, Melbourne, Australia
> >   56 Michael Harari     Pediatrician, Jerusalem, Israel
> >   57 Mike South         Paediatrician, Melbourne, Australia
> >   58 Ourania Horaitis   Molecular Biologist Melbourne, Australia
> >   59 Jim Stamatopoulos   Telstra, Australia
> >   60 Arthur Iliakopoulos Telstra, Australia
> >   61 Joe Giunta          Telstra, Australia
> >   62 Tony Milic          Telstra, Australia
> >   63 Mark Whitmore       Tesltra, Australia
> >   64 Andrew Mooren       Tesltra, Australia
> >   65 Andrea Milne        Telstra, Australia
> >   66 Janice Barry        Telstra, Australia
> >   67 Lindsay McGuire     Telstra, Australia
> >   68 Ken Dadsey          Telstra Australia
> >   69 Jan Gibson          Telstra Australia
> >   70 Stuart Riley        Telstra Australia
> >   71 Ben Johnston        Melbourne, Australia
> >   72 Manuel Tito de Morais      Ericsson Telecom, Sweden
> >   73 Lars Ervik          Ericsson Radio, Sweden
> >   74 Roger Borjesson     Ericsson Telecom, Australia
> >   75 Ted Strzebonski     Ericsson Australia
> >   76 Mariola Strzebonski Ericsson Australia
> >   77 Ralph Ward          Ericsson Australia
> >   78 Ana Pipunic         Ericsson Australia
> >   79 Lilly Pejic         Ericsson Australia
> >   80 Les Grigg           Ericsson Australia
> >   81 June Campbell       Ericsson Australia
> >   82 Sihem Imamhousein   Ericsson Australia
> >   83 B.Przybyszewska     Ericsson Australia
> >   84 Joe Milic           Ericsson Australia
> >   85 Wei Xiao            Ericsson Australia
> >   86 Marlene Verey       Ericsson Australia
> >   87 Dan Lambert         Ericsson Australia
> >   88 Melissa Bartolo     Ericsson Australia
> >   89 Rachel Robinson     Ericsson Australia
> >   90 Maria Fernandez     Ericsson Australia
> >   91 Gabriel Accadia     Ericsson Data Australia
> >   92 Maurice Manno       Victoria University of Technology, Australia
> >   93 Andrea Parker Halford     Victoria University of Technology, Australia
> >   94 Martin Halford      BHP Information Technology, Australia
> >   95 Helen Robertson-Smith BHP IT, Australia
> >   96 Rohan Smith   Scirtcele Electrics, Australia
> >   97 Loreta Siciarz Melbourne, Australia
> >   98 Edward Siciarz Melbourne, Australia
> >   99 Newman Adam Melbourne, Australia
> > 100 Docking Luke Melbourne, Australia
> > 101 Steve Mellor  Melbourne Australia
> > 102 Megan Feakes, BHP Transport, Australia
> > 103 Dianne Bayley, BHP Transport, Australia
> > 103 Snez Dangubic, BHP Transport, Australia
> > 104 Irma Ivcovici, BHP Transport, Australia
> > 105 Carmen Brand, BHP Transport, Australia
> > 106 Tara Blake, BHP Power, Australia
> > 107 Celia Dunlop, BHP Engineering, Australia
> > 108 Ian Kearney, BHP Petroleum, Australia
> > 109 Cathy Smyth, BHP Petroleum, Australia
> > 110 Trish Pletta, BHP Petroleum, Australia
> > 111  Bronwyn Rossi, BHP Petroleum, Australia
> > 112 Deborah Lewis, Melbourne, Australia
> > 113 Suellen Quin
> > 114 Vito Vukasin
> > 115 John Garside, BHP Engineering, Wollongong
> > 116 Anita McKinley, BHP Engineering, Newcastle
> > 117 Elisa Buttrose, BHP Engineering, North Sydney, Australia
> > 118 Victoria Fisher, BHP Engineering, North Sydney, Australia
> > 119 Youssef Mourra, BHP Engineering, North Sydney, Australia
> > 120 Linda McDermott, BHP Engineering, North Sydney, Australia
> > 121 Rozanne Frost,BHP Engineering, NthSydney,Australia
> > 122 Maria Ivancic, BHP Information Technology, Newcastle, Australia
> > 123 Anne Regan, BHP Information Technology, Newcastle, Australia
> > 124 Vince Stanton, BHP Information Technology, Newcastle, Australia
> > 125 Barry Prasil, BHP Information Technology, Newcastle, Australia
> > 126 Peter Ingram, BHP Information Technology, Newcastle,Australia
> > 126 Ian Leeson, BHP Information Technology, Newcastle,Australia
> > 127 Arnie Anfinson, Peace Activist, Seattle, WA, U.S.A.
> > 128 Laura Risk, Student, Berkeley, CA USA
> > 129 Luke Weisman, Student, Caltech, CA USA
> > 130 Renee Sharp, Student, Rice University, TX USA
> > 131 Jonathan Franklin, Student, Rice Univeristy, TX USA
> > 132 Sarah Ettling, Student, University of Texas, TX USA
> > 133 Samuel Klein, Student, Harvard University, MA USA
> > 134 Kate Zeigler, Student, Rice University, TX USA
> > 135 Judy Rhee, Student, Rice University, TX USA
> > 136 Young Choi, Student, Duke University, NC USA
> > 137 Dudley chou, Student, University of Texas Austin, TX USA
> > 138 Erik Neuenschwander, Student, Stanford University, CA USA
> > 139 Eric Friedman, Student, Stanford University, CA USA
> > 140 Max Nalsky, Student, Moscow State University, Russia
> > 141 Mike Alekhnovich, Student, Moscow State University, Russia
> > 142 Sarah Craig, Student, Harvard University, MA USA
> > 143 Melon Wedick, Student, The Hotchkiss School, CT USA
> > 144 Michelle Denault, Student, The Hotchkiss School, Ct USA
> > 145 Heidi Thompson, Student, The Hotchkiss School, CT USA
> > 146 Nick Thompson, Student, Stanford University, CA USA
> > 147 Tim Knight, Stanford University, CA USA
> > 148 Leo Chyi, Student, Stanford University, CA USA
> > 149 Belle Bergner, Student, Mount Holyoke College, MA USA
> > 150 Christina Fiasconaro, Student, Mount Holyoke College, MA USA
> > 151 Kristen Mazzarella, Student, University of Massachusetts, MA USA
> > 152 Julian Pegg, Student, James Cook University, QLD AUSTRALIA
    153 Jamie Wright, Student, James Cook University, QLD AUSTRALIA
    154 Sonia Lloyd, Student,  James Cook University, QLD AUSTRALIA 
> > 155 Andrew Lie, Student, Middlebury College, VT, USA
> > 156 Karin Chesebro, Student, Dartmouth College, NH, USA
   This is a petition to urge the French Government to 
stop nuclear tests.  If you agree with us, please add your name
> > to the list above, and send copies to your friends.
> > We will add up the lists that had come back to us, and send
> > it to the French Government.
> > 
> > ****  If you happen to be the hundredth,two hundredth, three
> >       hundredth, and so on, on the list, please send a copy
> >       of the mail back to the addresses below, so that  we
> >       can keep track of this project. ***
> > 
> > If you have any comment please send mails to us.  And also,
> > if you are multi-lingual and have friends who may not
> > understand English, please translate this message and add
> > it to the end of the mail. Thank you very much.
> > 
> > ******* addresses of the organizers:
> > shimizu\
> > keshi\ <- please use this
> >                                          address
> > 
> > 
> > 
> > 
Date: 09 Nov 95 20:41:27 EST
From: Anthony T. Field
Subject: The Farther Side
To: Anthony T. Field
Here's some Red Green for you from Amanda!
          February Poem
               by Red Green
     It is winter
     The groundhog sees a shadow
     It is the shadow of the left front wheel of your 4x4
     Winter will last six more weeks
     But not for him
          Spring Poem
               by Red Green
     It is spring
     At dawn, across a misty lake,
     The whippoorwill cries,
     Everyone reloads.
               by Red Green
     It is spring
     As you stand in the brook,
     Water trickles down your leg
     There is a leak in your hip waders
     You hope
Date: 11 Nov 95 01:48:39 EST
From: Anthony T. Field
Subject: The Farther Side
To: Anthony T. Field
Here's something that I got from Rob... (Thanks!)  I know you'll find it all too familiar... 
Following it is a message from the Japan Society about Japan night tomorrow... from 
SUBJECT:  Non-reactive Element Discovered
"The heaviest element known to man was recently discovered by
scientists at  Los Alamos Laboratory.  The element tentatively named
*Administratium* has  no protons or electrons, and thus has an atomic
number of zero.  However, it  does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant
neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111  assistant vice neutrons.  This gives
it an atomic weight of 312.  These 312  particles are held together in a
nucleus by a force that involves the  continuous exchange of meson-like
particles called morons."
"Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert.  However, it can be 
detected chemically, as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact
with.  (An *anti-catalyst*?)  According to the discoverers, a minute
amount of  Administratium caused one reaction to slow to four days,
when it would  normally occur in less than one second."
"Administratium has a half-life of approximately three years, at which
time  it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization
in which  assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons
exchange  places.  Some studies have shown that the atomic weight
actually increases  after each reorganization ...."
"Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level 
of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reactions where
it is  allowed to accumulate ....."
 D a r t m o u t h   J a p a n   S o c i e t y ' s
             j    a    p    a    n
                           n    i    g    h    t
Saturday, 5:30 PM; Asian Studies HouseÝ
$2 to cover food costs
Some of the evening's activities...
 Geisha/Samurai Stereotypes in the West:
   A brief look at the historical origins of 
   American popular images of Japan.
   Slide show presentation and talk by
   Professor Allen Hockley of the art history
 Open poetry reading; we'll have books of 
   translated Japanese poetry on hand for 
   reading aloud in an informal group.  These 
   are some of the most beautiful, least
   explored works of the world.
 Food will include miso soup, rolled sushi
   (makizushi), and Japanese style curry
   rice.  Try making your own rolled sushi, 
   too!  Japanese snacks will also be served,
   while they last.
We're still looking for volunteers to help make this a success; email if you can lend a hand 
with cooking or setup.
Thanks, and have a good night.
ÝWhite house located down Rope Ferry Road 
 (north, toward the pond) on the left side, 
 past Kiewit.
T h e   J a p a n   S o c i e t y
Date: 12 Nov 95 00:06:24 EST
From: Anthony T. Field
Subject: The Farther Side
To: Anthony T. Field
Some David Letterman...
"Top Ten Bob Barker Pickup Lines"
   10. "Come back to my place so I can give you a lovely parting gift".
   9.   "Baby, you're the next contestant in the game of love".
   8.   "The next item up for bid is in my pants!"
   7.   "How'd you like a years supply of Turtle Wax?"
   6.   "I've made thousands of women scream and jump up and down".
   5.   "Please have dinner with me. I'm a very lonely man".
   4.   "Maybe it'll be easier for you to guess the price of the waterbed if we test it out first".
   3.   "Don't worry--I've been neutered".
   2.   "Have another sip of that 99-cent malt liquor, take off those 30-dollar shoes and let's 
get it on!"
   1.   "Come on down".
Date: 12 Nov 95 17:56:30 EST
From: Anthony T. Field
Subject: The Farther Side
To: Anthony T. Field
I officially declare this Barney Week!  I hope you like these  (thanks Neesha)... 
(contributions encouraged)
Also, today is Melinda's Birthday, so Happy 21st Birthday Melinda!! (I'm sure she'd love 
to hear from you all...   :-)
Prove: Barney is satanic
         The Romans had no letter 'U', and used 'V' instead for
         printing, meaning the Roman representation would for
         Barney would be: CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR
         Extracting the Roman numerals, we have:
         CV    V  L  DI    V
         And their decimal equivalents are:
         100 5 5 50 500 1 5
         Adding those numbers produces: 666.
         666 is the number of the Beast.
Date: 13 Nov 95 22:21:43 EST
From: Anthony T. Field
Subject: The Farther Side
To: Anthony T. Field
More Barney for you. (if anyone has any Barney humour, please pass it on... :-)
Many thanks from Melinda to all those of you who wished her a happy birthday!  
Unfortunately, I goofed up and i got the wrong year, but apparently that was appreciated, 
so what can you do ?  :-)
118 ways Barney should die
 1.  Nitroglycerin suppository
 2.  My First (and Last) Dr. Kivorkian approved suicide/euthanasia kit
 3.  Paper cuts from hate mail
 4.  Wine press
 5.  Random act of terrorism
 6.  Dissolved in organic solvent of choice (e.g. 1,1,1-trichloroethane, acetone, carbon 
 7.  Clubbed by a baby seal hunter
 8.  Exploding gas barbeque
 9.  Date with Lorana Bobbit / Tonya Harding
10.  Rusty meat hook
11.  Pulp digester / Saw mill
12.  Sexually transmitted disease
13.  Lethal injestion of bean sprouts and tofu
14.  Skydiving accident (His concrete parachute fails to open).
15.  Baney meets the Terminator. "Hasta la vista...BARNEY!".
16.  Exploding school bus
17.  Field trip to the Toronto Metro Zoo.  Barney loves to spread  love and happiness to all 
of the carnivores.
18.  Childrens Tylenol laced with cyanide
19.  Sacrifice to a tribal god
20.  Fed through a branch/leaf shredder (or office paper shredder)
21.  Trampling by thousands of tiny spongie feet
22.  Asphixiation on a twinkie
23.  Bungee jumping with chord tied around neck
24.  1000 RPM merry-go-round 
25.  Building sandcastles in a quicksand box 
26.  Dragged behind a schoolbus on a gravel road
27.  Tail caught in elevator doors
28.  Legalization of purple slavery
29.  Home lobotomy kit
30.  Nasal spray or eye drops replaced with concentrated acid (e.g.  nitric, chromic, 
hydroflouric, sulfuric, or hydrochloric)
31.  Add crushed glass to his granola or high fibre cereal.
32.  Thrown in a vat of bleach.
33.  Close encounter with a white supremist.
34.  Sucked into a turbo-prop engine
35.  Submerged into a CANDU reactor
36.  Swarmed by killer bees
37.  Purple parasites
38.  Kidnapped by members of the Columbian drug cartel
39.  Chopped up into pet food (Purina Barney chow)
40.  Shintu massage as administered by a sumo wrestler.
41.  Assilimation by the Borg.
42.  Accupunture with a nail gun
43.  Force fed pure sugar and caffeine until he explodes.
43.  Barney meets Mr. Chainsaw
44.  Hit and run at a school crossing  
45.  Exploding in an industrial sized microwave oven.
46.  Strapped to a shuttle launch pad..3, 2, 1, ignition!
47.  Strapped to the heat shields of a space shuttle during reentry. 
48.  Brain scrambled (rescrambled?) by aliens
49.  Body cavity search using a fish scaling knife.
50.  Harpooned by a whaling ship
51.  Dipped in liquid nitrogen, and "accidentally" pummelled with a  baseball bat (guess 
they found the glass transition temperature).
52.  Served as Thanksgiving dinner
53.  Eaten by the homeless  (Barney pate anyone?)
54.  OOPS!  Barney shouldn't have soldered that propane tank while full.
55.  Mistaken for a Pinyata
56.  Run over by a zamboni
57.  "I love you" song triggers avalanche.
58.  "Accidentally" shoved in front of a subway train.
59.  Nuclear warhead explodes at ground BARNEY.
60.  Scientific experiments on BARNEY sublimation temperature.
61.  Crushed between plates in a fault line.
62.  Blended into McBarney shakes, and pressed into McBarney patties  (would you like 
McFries with that?)
63.  Inquiring minds want to know...What is the tensile strength of Barney?
64.  Used as a crashtest dummy.  Listen up boys and girls.  This is what can happen to you 
if you don't wear your seatbelt.
65.  Barney becomes one with Oscar Myer.
66.  Barney used as shark bait.
67.  Used as a guinea pig in a pain threshold study.
68.  Used in a TV commercial promotion of Ginsu Knives.  Even after cutting this tin can, 
the ginsu knives rip through purple flesh with ease.
69.  Diplomatic mission with Klingons
70.  Deep sea diving in a locked steamer trunk.
71.  Nato air strike.
72.  Live organ donor.
73.  Egyptian mummificaton ritual.
74.  Plummet into an active volcano.
75.  Coated in honey and fed to the fire ants.
76.  Conversion to sugar glazed junk food.
77.  Quiet dinner with Jeffrey Dahmer.
78.  Pilgrimage to the Holy land.
79.  Purple Jonestown reagent.
80.  Visit to the taxidermist.
81.  Blasted with a Neuron-T-disrupter.
82.  Take him off Prozac.
83.  Forced to watch "The Wall" video without his happy pills.
84.  100 hours of continuous "Black Sabbath".
85.  Give him a lead role in a snuff film.
86.  Tar and feathered by crazed parents.
87.  Spontaneous combustion.
88.  Bludgeoned to purple paste.
89.  Compressed to a singularity.
90.  Bent, folded and mutilated by Canada Post.
91.  Send him to a Bill's game dressed as a Miami Dolphin.
92.  The plague
93.  Extruded through microcapilliaries. 
94.  Forced to spend a week with Bart Simpson.
95.  Barney goes for a spin on a cyclotron.  Too bad about the sudden stop.
97.  Pre-mortum autopsy reveals that Barney's head is full of worms.
98.  Massage with a stun gun.
99.  Heat pastuerization.
100. Barney stars in an Itchy and Scratchy movie.
101. Abandoned in a sensory deprivation tank.
102. Barney meets Elmira (I'm gonna hug him and squeeze him to itty bitty pieces.) 
103. Put Barney in an old Star Trek episode, in a RED SHIRT.
104. Put Barney in a Star Trek Next Generation episode, in a gold shirt.
105. Make him the drummer of Spinal Tap.
106. Use him as a zap-o-matic target.
107. Paint him green & give him to Gallager for his Sledge-o-matic.
108. Paint him green & give him to David Letterman for a 10 story drop.
109. Confine him with Marvin the depressed Android (Douglus Adams).
110. Put a horse collar on him and abandom him on
111. Stick him in a car with Ted Kennedy near a bridge.
112. Paint "Branch Dividian & Proud of it" and drop him off at the BATF hq.
113. Put him on a blind date with Lorena Bobbit AFTER she gets her new set of Ginsu(tm) 
114. Barney scrapple.
115. Bury him next to Jimmy Hoffa.
116. Tell Tipper Gore he sings on how to masterbate.
117. Recreate the Challenger accident with Barney playing substitute teacher.
118. Use Barney as a test subject for exotic new nerve gases.
Date: 15 Nov 95 01:05:09 EST
From: Anthony T. Field
Subject: The Farther Side
To: Anthony T. Field
Barney Loves you...  Check for subliminal messages...
>                                          _oI<LIKE>=vo__
>                                        ?/$="'"  """^SATAN$~\
>                                      .&?/'              `""$$,
>                                    ,/?/'       /-"^\.   .-=~\T,
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>                                ./?/'          `\?IS#'  `$?FRIENDi\.
>                               ,*??              `"       ""' `b'\\$$&&\.
>                              ,Td'                             `&:`H' "&7, .__
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>       ,P?-""^==:=' ||b       `L9,            `H`&,               |?:!|| ,P&
>       `b?\          9/?       ??H,            |L *b.,'"\          :$:&  H]'
>        `b$\o.        */\.      ??*b.           9.  `\\:(|     .,/$6d'  |\T
>          ``\Z\\       `\7b.    ,To?&b.          \(\:-.-S:-~=-"'',P     MJ'
>             `\?*b       ?&&\.  d\|<_ `\o_       `&&M\:SATAN>\IS,&'    |LT
>               `\?\\      ``\?\^I/HATE@:~:$=v\.    `$k<MY&PAL@%#J'     HJ'
>                 `\?\.       `\b/$KIDS!-?&<?::P\\    `"^-^-?b=Sd'     |\T
>     _o~=~$&$>==v\.??\,         `\d `\$$'9P'I-LOVE=SATAN\/$$~?$\     ,R/
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>  [|:.             ""=o/&.                ,P    o&Z'`'.##| |MH\|| ,$$'
>  `=:$H&=\.           `"b?b.             .&'    96*.-.:U/LUV=ME?$&*'
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>          `\7b           ,T/\&&\.      d?                    |T'
>            \/b         .&J'  `\>     d'                      T,
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>                `L9, M|              `&.                           |
>                 `?*,9||              `b                           d
>                  `\?(|H.              `b                          ?b
>                   `*\ `&.              `\.                       J*|b
>                     `\o/\.              `&.                     ,P 9/L
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>                         *?9\               `b                .&'    |/|
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>               ||M          `=Z\:""                 H|T"            `&H&>v_
>                bT,    ..   v,?|\                   M||               .:Z|&\.
>                ||H  _DEATH~>TO9H|                  `?*\              ?$`#'H
>                 9ALL|1KIDS*  .$/                    `bZ&\       ,o\&KILL&/'
>                  \?$.:?ooo/*""'                       `\$$b_   |\MAIM*:./'
>                   `"""'  `'                              `~?&qDESTROY#/'
>                                                             "^~DIE/
Date: 16 Nov 95 02:00:24 EST
From: Anthony T. Field
Subject: The Farther Side
To: Anthony T. Field
Some deep and meaningful, well thought out Barney poetry for you...
I hate you,you hate me
Let's go and kill Barney 
Put a gun to his head,
pull the trigger, now he's dead
First he's purple, now he's red!
I hate you, you hate me
Let's hang Barney from a tree
With a knife through his back
And an arrow through his head
Till that purple thing is dead!
Barney's dead! Barney's dead!
We blew off his purple head
With a .38 magnum full of pop
Now we're after Baby Bop!
I hate you, you hate me, 
Let's go out and kill Barney,
Take a 9-millimeter, put it to his head,
Bang, bang, bang, and 
Barney's dead.
I hate you, you hate me,
Let's go out and kill Barney,
A shot rings out and Barney hits the floor,
No more purple dinosaur.
Date: 17 Nov 95 02:16:12 EST
From: Anthony T. Field
Subject: The Farther Side
To: Anthony T. Field
I'm sorry, I know it hasn't been a week yet, but after reading all of the submissions on 
Barney, I can't handle one more Barney blitz.
So instead i bring you Poe.
Hope you like it.  Thanks to Puckett for this one...
Did you ever read "The Raven" by Edgar Allen Poe?
                   Abort, Retry, Ignore?
 Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary,
 System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor,
 Longing for the warmth of bed sheets, still I sat there doing spreadsheets.
 Having reached the bottom line I took a floppy from the drawer,
 I then invoked the SAVE command and waited for the disk to store,
 Only this and nothing more.
 Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing,
 Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more.
 But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token.
 "Save!" I said, "You cursed mother!  Save my data from before!"
 One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more,
 Just, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
 Was this some occult illusion, some maniacal intrusion?
 These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before.
 Carefully I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises.
 The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more.
 Clearly I must press a key, choosing one and nothing more,
 From "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
 With fingers pale and trembling, slowly toward the keyboard bending,
 Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored,
 Praying for some guarantee, timidly, I pressed a key.
 But on the screen there still persisted words appearing as before.
 Ghastly grim they blinked and taunted, haunted, as my patience wore,
 Saying "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
 I tried to catch the chips off guard, and pressed again, but twice as hard.
 I pleaded with the cursed machine: I begged and cried and then I swore.
 Now in mighty desperation, trying random combinations,
 Still there came the incantation, just as senseless as before.
 Cursor blinking, angrily winking, blinking nonsense as before.
 Reading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
 There I sat, distraught, exhausted, by my own machine accosted.
 Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor.
 And then I saw a dreadful sight: a lightning bolt cut through the night.
 A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my very core.
 The lightning zapped my previous data, lost and gone forevermore.
 Not even, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
 To this day I do not know the place to which lost data go.
 What demonic nether world us wrought where lost data will be stored,
 Beyond the reach of mortal souls, beyond the ether, into black holes?
 But sure as there's C, Pascal, Lotus, Ashton-Tate and more,
 You will be one day be left to wander, lost on some Plutonian shore,
 Pleading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
                                            -- Author unknown
Date: 18 Nov 95 02:15:39 EST
From: Anthony T. Field
Subject: The Farther Side
To: Anthony T. Field
Welcome new people!
Here is a letter regarding France's nuclear testing.  Apparently some people are rather upset 
with the situation...   I dedicate this to Iason, and thank Emily for the contribution...:-)
from Harper's Magazine:
<From an open letter to French president Jacques Chirac, by Bob Millington,
in his June 16 column in THE AGE, a Melbourne, Australia, newspaper.  In
June, Chirac announced that France would resume its nuclear testing program
by staging a series of underwater explosions in the South Pacific.>
Mon cher Jack:
Je suis a bit fromaged off avec votre decision to blow up La Pacifique avec
les Frogs bombes nuclears.  Je reckon vous must have un spot in La Belle
France itself pour les explosions.  Le Massive Central? Le Quay d'Orsay? Le
Champs Elysees?  Votre own back-yard, peut-etre?
La guerre cold est fini, Sport!  Votres forces militaires need la bombe
atomique about as beaucoup as poisson need les bicyclettes.
Un autre point, cobber.  Votre histoire militaire isn't tre flash,
consisting, n'est-ce pas, of batailles the likes of Crecy, Agincourt,
Poitiers, Traflgar, Borodino, Waterloo, Sedan, et Dien Bien Phu.  Un bombe
won't change le tradition.  Je/mon pere/mon grandpere/le cousin third de ma
grandmere/la plume de ma tante fought avec votre soldats agains La Bouche in
World Ward I (le Big One).  Have vous forgotten?
Reconsider, mon ami.  Otherwise in les hotels et estaminets de l'Australie le
curse anciens d'Angleterre - "Damnation to the French" - will be heard un
autre temps.
Votre chums don't want that
Date: 22 Nov 95 02:55:04 EST
From: Anthony T. Field
Subject: The Farther Side
To: Anthony T. Field
This week has been a litte erratic since we're getting ready for American Thanksgiving 
break (so of course, for the rest of the week, you won't be receiving The Farther Side)  But 
here's something that my brother sent up to me...  Thanks Mike...
"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." --Popular
Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." --Thomas Watson,
chairman of IBM, 1943
"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked
with the  best people, and I can assure you that data processing is
a fad that won't   last out the year."
--The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
"But what ... is it good for?"
--Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968,
commenting on the microchip.
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." --Ken Olson
, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp.,  1977
"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
-- Bill Gates, 1981
"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously
considered as a  means of communication. The device is inherently
of no value to us."
--Western Union internal memo, 1876.
"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value.   Who
would pay  for a message sent to nobody in particular?"
--David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment
in  the radio in the 1920s.
"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn
better   than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible."
--A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's
paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service.  (Smith went on to
found  Federal Express Corp.)
"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"
--H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.
"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary
--Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone
The Wind."
"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports
say  America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like
you make."
--Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.
"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out." --Decca
Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.
"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible."
--Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.
"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The 
literature was full of examples that said you can't do this." --Spencer
Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M "Post-It"
"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing,
even  built with some of your parts, and what do you think about
funding us? Or we' ll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay
our  salary, we'll come work  for you.'  And they said, 'No.' So
then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they  said, 'Hey, we don't
need you. You  haven't got through college yet.'"
--Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and
interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.
"Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and
reaction  and the need to have something better than a vacuum
against which to react.   He seems to lack the basic knowledge
ladled out daily in high schools."
--1921 New York Times editorial about Robert Goddard's revolutionary
rocket  work.
"You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all of 
your muscles? It can't be done. It's just a fact of life. You just  have to 
accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable condition of weight
 training." --Response to Arthur Jones, who solved the "unsolvable" problem
by inventing Nautilus.
"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil?
You're  crazy."
--Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill
for oil in 1859.
"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau." --Irving
Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.
"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value." --Marechal
Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.
"Everything that can be invented has been invented." --Charles H. Duell,
Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.
"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction". --Pierre Pachet,
Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872
"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from
the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon". --Sir John Eric Ericksen,
British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873.
Date: 28 Nov 95 05:41:09 EST
From: Anthony T. Field
Subject: The Farther Side
To: Anthony T. Field
Thanksgiving, Finals, you know the deal...
As long as you don't get any of these on your papers, you'll do fine...
(thanks Ben)
(Outlandish comments from professors on student papers)
"I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed 
gibberish all over it and put your name at the top."                            
	--English Professor, Ohio University
"I am not sure what this is, but an 'F' would only dignify it."
"What's page one, a preemptive strike?"
	--Professor David Freund, Communication, Ramapo State College
"Not only is this incomprehensible, but the ink is ugly and the paper is from the wrong 
kind of tree."
	--"Mr. W"
"The 'A' is for content, the 'minus' is for not typing it.  Don't ever do this to my eyes 
	--Professor Ronald Brady, Philosophy, Ramapo State College
"I think your opinions are reasonable, except for the one about my mental instability."
	--Psychology Professor, Farifield University
Date: 29 Nov 95 04:44:24 EST
From: Anthony T. Field
Subject: The Farther Side
To: Anthony T. Field
I hope that final papers are all going well, I know I'm not going to be alone in enjoying the 
sunrise this morning...
Here's a classic...
following it is a "mail distribution experiment"  Feel free to do whatever you want with it.  
Thanks to Elidorfa for this one.  
		Twas the night before finals,
		And all through the college,
		The students were praying
		For last minute knowledge.
		Most were quite sleepy,
		But none touched their beds,
		While visions of essays
		Danced in their heads.
		Out in the taverns,
		A few were still drinking,
		And hoping that liquor
		Would loosen up their thinking.
		In my own room,
		I had been pacing,
		And dreading exams
		I soon would be facing.
		My roommate was speechless,
		Her nose in her books,
		And my comments to her
		Drew unfriendly looks.
		I drained all the coffee,
		And brewed a new pot,
		No longer caring
		That my nerves were shot.
		I stared at my notes,
		But my thoughts were muddy,
		My eyes went ablur,
		I just couldn't study.
		"Some pizza might help,"
		I said with a shiver,
		But each place I called
		Refused to deliver.
		I'd nearly concluded
		That life was too cruel,
		With futures depending
		On grades had in school.
		When all of a sudden,
		Our door opened wide,
		And Patron Saint Put It Off
		Ambled inside.
		His spirit was careless,
		His manner was mellow,
		All of a sudden,
		He started to bellow.
		"On Cliff notes, on Crib notes
		On Last Year Exams.
		On Wingit and Slingit
		And Last Minute Crams."
		His message delivered
		He vanished from sight.
		But we heard him laughing
		Outside in the night.
		Your teachers have pegged you
		So just do your best.
		Happy Finals to All
		And to all a Good Test.
--- Forwarded Message from Tony Field <anthony.t.field@Dartmouth.EDU> ---
This message was forwarded to 343 people at 70 different schools on Wednesday, 
November 29th, 1995, at approximately 4:45am
--- Forwarded Message from Elham Mottahed <memo@leland.Stanford.EDU> ---
>Date: Tue, 28 Nov 1995 10:21:02 -0800 (PST)
>From: Elham Mottahed <memo@leland.Stanford.EDU>
>To: Joyce Chen <>,
>        Fiona Danks <fiona.s.danks@Dartmouth.EDU>,
>        Renee Chen <>,
>        Penelope Ou Tim <>, Alda Tam <>
>Subject: 6 Degrees of Separation Test (fwd)
>MIME-Version: 1.0
>Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Mon, 27 Nov 1995 22:36:32 -0800 (PST)
From: Alice Hsieh <>
To: junipero-95@lists.Stanford.EDU
Subject: 6 Degrees of Separation Test (fwd)
just pass it on. it's a really neat idea.
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Mon, 27 Nov 1995 09:54:00 -0800 (PST)
From: Claire McCormack <ccrm@leland.Stanford.EDU>
To: hazlett@leland.Stanford.EDU
Cc:,,,,, mbrew@leland.Stanford.EDU,
    beckysue@leland.Stanford.EDU, ahsieh@leland.Stanford.EDU
Subject: 6 Degrees of Separation Test (fwd)
November 27, 1995
Dear Everyone:
	Does anyone know a Bill Ellis? This guy at USC wanted to test the 
"6 Degrees of Separation" theory to see how long it would take to reach 
his friend. So, anyways, pass this along but don't erase the forwarded 
addresses (because that's the whole point). Love,
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Sun, 26 Nov 1995 20:57:36 -0500 (EST)
From: Elizabeth S Herbolsheimer <>
To:, Arthur J Ardolino <>,,,
    Catherine E Carbone <>,,
    Charles M Schroeder <>,
    "Daniel E. Giammar" <>,,,,, Fiona M Bedford <>,,,,, Julie M Wilson <>,, Keith H Weber <>,,,,,,,,,,,
    Matthew B Vestal <>,
    Wendy K Smith <>,,
Subject: just forward this to others..
 To make this thing short there's one guy trying to reach another guy,
six degrees of separation thingy.. if you want to know more then read
the thing at the end.. send to others... know anyone named Bill Ellis,
make sure he gets a copy!
From: Myo Irene <>
Subject: just forward this to others... (fwd)
To: Benjamin Scales <>
        Christy Rickert <>,
        David Lenahan <>,
        Michelle Salisbury <>,
        Roman Koshykar <>
Message-Id: <Pine.3.89.9511210114.A20841-0100000@bigbird>
Mime-Version: 1.0
Hey--some guy at USC is trying to prove the Six Degrees of Separation 
theory by seeing how long it takes his friend to receive his message as 
it is sent through random people.  Do him a favor and forward this to 
anyone you can think of (who hasn't already received it) and don't erase 
the previous forwarded messages--the point is to keep them on the message.
Date: Mon, 20 Nov 1995 21:52:43 -0500 (EST)
Subject: just forward this to others...
From:	URVAX::PENDERGAS    20-NOV-1995 20:24:05.69
Subj:	some guy wants this forwarded along as a test - just for don't read!
From:	IN%""  "Heather Brown" 20-NOV-1995 17:47:16.06
To:	IN%""  "Katrine Pendergast"
Subj:	Small World Test (fwd)
From: Heather Brown <>
Subject: Small World Test (fwd)
To: Katrine Pendergast <>
Date: Mon, 20 Nov 1995 17:12:01 -0400 (EDT)
From: Jennifer Franzese <>
To: Heather Brown <>,
    Katherine Hartl <>,
    Sarah Lodewick <>
Subject: Small World Test (fwd)
Date: Mon, 20 Nov 1995 14:18:41 -0600 (CST)
From: anderson jonathan richard <>
To: Adam Rieck <>
Cc: Antoinette Zerwick <>,
    Rachelle Zerwick <>,
    Paula Boback <>,
    Carrie Anderson <>,
    Erik Ciotti <>, Mike Sweeney <>,
    bartoli jaime marie <>,
    Jenny Franzese <>,
    Nick Franzese <>,
    Jennifer Weinberg <>,
    Chelsea Neville <>,
    Veronica Ceaser <>,
    Tracey Sandler <>,
    Julie Bresnahan <>,
    Courtney Johnston <>,
    Brad Weiss <>,
    Stephanie Morris <>
Subject: Small World Test (fwd)
From: David S Weitzenfeld <dsw@u.Arizona.EDU>
To: Laura Simkin <>,
    anderson jonathan richard <>,
    Jeff Raben <jraben@CCIT.ARIZONA.EDU>,
    natala Menenez <>,
    Evan Lipton <>, kate <>,
    Robin Golman <>
Subject: Small World Test (fwd)
Date: Sat, 18 Nov 1995 12:57:56 -0700 (MST)
From: Kirsten L Muetzel <muetzelk@u.Arizona.EDU>
To: friends -- anna gelman <>,
    cathy dellamaggiora <>,
    charmaine fredrickson <charmain@u.Arizona.EDU>,
    francesca martinez <>,
    karen weaver <>, dan <beniek@u.Arizona.EDU>,
    David S Weitzenfeld <dsw@u.Arizona.EDU>,
    julie simmons <>,
    pani kheyrandish <>
Subject: Small World Test (fwd)
Date: Fri, 17 Nov 1995 11:08:25 -0800 (PST)
From: Cara Oakes <>
To: Karen Gunther <>,
    Heidi Caldwell <>,
    Kirsten Muetzel <muetzelk@U.Arizona.EDU>,
    annamarie goff <>
Subject: Small World Test (fwd)
this is pretty cool.  someone at ucla (or is it usc?) is doing an 
experiment to see how long it takes for his friend to get this message by 
sending it to random people on the internet.  so just forward this if you 
please, and don't erase the other forwarded messages.  i hope you all 
have a great weekend.  take care!!!
		*cara suzanne*
Date: Wed, 15 Nov 1995 22:38:37 -0800 (PST)
From: Denise Sadler <>
To: fim tarley <>
Cc: christy schmidt <>,
    ida cohen <>,
    cara oakes <>, judy kearny <>,
    mia chen <>
Subject: Small World Test (fwd)
this is just something interesting to pass on ,, wow just think,, you may 
be helping some lonely person in this world, find another lonley 
ok, yeah, bye,.,.,,,
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Wed, 15 Nov 1995 22:21:36 -0800 (PST)
From: 'Baron' K R von Wasmuth <>
To: -JOEFUS- <>,
    Stephanie Kratochvil <>,
    Richard Karl von Wasmuth <>
Cc: Will Porter <>, Charo! <>,
    Danny Peterson <>,
    Denise Sadler <>,
    "D. Perry" <>, DUTCH <>
Subject: Small World Test (fwd)
From: 'NightOwl' W. A. Chin <>
To: bums -- Jiffy Lube <>,
    Jones <>,
    Mister One Check <>,
    Scoobio <>,
    Sir Verrall of Chad <>,
    The McKeg <>
Cc: Women are from Venus -- Alina <>,
    Black Phantom <>, Chris <>,
    Coupon <>, Courtney <>,
    D'arcy <>, Kamryn <>,
    Krazy <>, Krichelle <>,
    Little Psi <>,
    Lobster Skin <>,
    Melissa <>, Michelle <>,
    Schmokster <>, Sleeper <>,
    Spring Rose <>, Tweetie <>,
    The Dog Pound -- Mookie <>,
    Morr <>,
    Stranger of the U <>,
    "Out of State Friends -- K.C." <>,
    "Pudd'n Buns (with Spam)" <>,
    Friend from Penn <>,
    Giantess <>, KiKi <>,
    Mister Man <>,
    Pain in the Neck <horn@ENGR.ORST.EDU>,
    Procrastinator <>,
    Silly Goose <>,
    Sweet Thang <DEANHM@COOLEY.COM>
Subject: Small World Test (fwd)
Okay Boys and Girls, this is not a chain letter and not intended to be 
one.  This is simply a test and only a test.  A friend sent it to me and 
told me to pass it on so I am.  And I want all of you to pass it on.  
Don't delete the forwards since that's the point.  I've been wanting to 
do this myself but never got around to it.  If any of you do not want any 
more mail from me please tell me instead of telling the ACC.  Thanks and 
have a pleasant day. :)
Date: Wed, 15 Nov 1995 17:51:32 -0800 (PST)
From: C. Reed <>
To: Ramon Esquivel <>
Cc: Sonja Stenerson <>,
    Carrie Smatana <>,
    Luke Phinney <>, Jamie Murdock <>,
    Luke Moland <>,
    Nget Jung <>,
    Jeremy Siek <>,
    Anne Iverson <>,
    Christine Hardy <IZZY8CX@MVS.OAC.UCLA.EDU>,
    Lisa Goodrich <>,
    Christine Flynn <>,
    Dawn Ehlke <>,
    Jessica Fisher <>,
    Lisa Danielski <>,
    Wayne Chin <>, Amy Cahoon <>,
    "D. Mc Bride" <>,
    Sara Bathum <>
Subject: Small World Test (fwd)
This is to prove the whole 6 degrees of separtation.  Don't delete the 
Forwards, just keep adding forwards to this message by forwarding it on 
to people all over the net!
Date: Tue, 14 Nov 1995 08:29:48 -0800 (PST)
From: 'halcyon' Alysha Reinard <>
To: Sam Orchard <>, Aaron <>,
    Paula Charles <>,
    Lindie! <>,
    Bhavesha Patel <>,
    Anh Nguyen <>,
    Christina Reed <>
Subject: Small World Test (fwd)
This is interesting.  Send it on to people.  :)
Date: Mon, 13 Nov 1995 22:59:43 -0800 (PST)
From: Sarah Nielson <>
To: NASA/Boeing Space Grant Scholars informal chat list
Subject: Small World Test (fwd)
Date: Mon, 13 Nov 1995 22:32:59 -0800 (PST)
From: A. Almero <>
To: Enfig45 <>
Subject: Small World Test (fwd)
Date: Mon, 13 Nov 1995 19:29:52 -0800 (PST)
From: S. Almero <>
To:, "A. Almero" <>,
    "J. Kusler" <>,
    "K. Robinson" <>,
    Paul Jeffrey Bonthuis <>,
    "J. Lara" <>,,
    "L. Feaster" <>
Subject: Small World Test (fwd)
Date: Tue, 7 Nov 1995 16:19:38 -0800 (PST)
From: J. Gleason <>
To: Shayna Ian <>, "Y. Said" <>,
    Kristin Proctor <>,
    "K. Aplass" <>,
    "S. Almero" <>
Subject: Small World Test (fwd)
Date: Tue, 7 Nov 1995 15:33:32 -0500 (EST)
From: Analisa Christina Marki <>
To: Jill Gleason <>
Cc: Sylvia Yu <>, Katie Garioto <>,
    Brian Yick <>,
    Brian Burling <>,
    Pam Shank <>, Chloe Lee <>,
    Jeannie Choi <>
Subject: Small World Test (fwd)
Date: Tue, 7 Nov 1995 15:11:40 -0500 (EST)
From: Anna Marie Gallagher <>
To: James Tierney <>
Cc: Jennifer Schwegel <>, Sarah Olsavsky <aphrael@UDel.Edu>,
    Amy Reddington <>, Mia Geisinger <>,
    Analisa Christina Marki <>,
    Amy Reddington <>,
    Stacey Dershewitz <>,
    Cynthia Lynne Goodrich <>
Subject: Small World Test (fwd)
Date: Tue, 7 Nov 1995 14:04:50 -0500 (EST)
From: Darryl McClintock <>
To: Greg Papantonio <>,
    Tackus Nesbit <>,
    Brook Mykytka <MYKYTKBP@ctrvax.Vanderbilt.Edu>,
    Tamara Mills <>, John Miller <>,
    Bridget McVerry <>,
    Emily McCourt <>, Daniel Koevary <>,
    Michelle Ro <>, Bonnie Johnson <>,
    Hilary Howard <>,
    Elise Hartley <>,
    Amanda Hallet <>,
    Nicole Gentile <>, Dan Gelman <>,
    Anna Gallagher <>, Alan Dickinson <>,
    Lisa Dalrymple <>,
    Victor Chang <>, Dan Boston <>,
    David Berger <>,
    Neville Bamji <>
Subject: Small World Test (fwd)
Date: Tue, 7 Nov 1995 02:23:13 -0500 (EST)
From: Maggie Simpson <>
To: "friends -- Anthony C. Wai" <>,
    Aaron Deter-Wolf <>,
    Andrew Michael Bell <>,
    Andrew Mcqueen Carroll <>,
    Annie Wright <07WRIGHT@CUA.EDU>,
    Blair Harrison Greber raines <>,
    Beth Rosenbleet <>,
    Christine Elizabeth Pearce <>,
    Claire Tilton <>,
    Daniel Robert Kocab <>,
    Darryl William Mcclintock <>,
    Michaela Vigo Glod <>
Cc: friends2 -- Greg Dash <>,
    Joe Curtis Farr <>,
    Laurie Anne Barber <>,
    Melissa Ann Falciani <>,
    Michael Andrew Lamantia <>,
    Matt Phelan <>,
    Marc Robert Larochelle <>,
    Michael Yongrae Ro <>,
    Paul McMullen <>,
    Robert Aderico Giacomelli <>,
    "Ryan C. Anderson" <>,
    Robert Paul Gehring <>,
    Stephanie Shawn Morgan <>,
    Viswanath Subbaraman <>,
    William Michael Henson <>
Subject: (fwd) [Alexis Mersel <amersel>: ["Melissa A. Muldoon"
<MULDOOME@LANMAIL.SHU.EDU>: forward this to someone who will send it on,
okay? -Forwarded]] (fwd)
Date: Mon, 06 Nov 1995 19:07:20 EST
Date: Mon, 06 Nov 1995 18:50:36 EST
From: (little h)
Date: Mon, 6 Nov 95 18:34:15 EST
From: Elana Steger <>
Date: Mon, 6 Nov 95 18:04:25 EST
From: Alexis Mersel <amersel>
To:,, brandimm, stegere, jmegan
From: "Melissa A. Muldoon" <MULDOOME@LANMAIL.SHU.EDU>
Subject:  forward this to someone who will send it on, okay? 
Date: Sun, 05 Nov 1995 23:48:33 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: forward this to someone who will send it on, okay?
From:	HWS3::BARNES        5-NOV-1995 21:26:33.48
Subj:	just forward this shit onward
From:	IN%""  5-NOV-1995 20:40:01.76
To:	IN%""
Subj:	i have no fucking idea what this is for, but it said to forward it
Date: Sun, 05 Nov 1995 20:39:13 -0500 (EST)
Subject: i have no fucking idea what this is for, but it said to forward it
Message-id: <>
From:	IN%""  "BRUNO"  5-NOV-1995 16:10:01.06
To:	IN%""  "Michael Green",
IN%""  "Jennifer Bump",
IN%"scro1526@SPLAVA.CC.PLATTSBURGH.EDU"  "David Scroggins"
Subj:	Small World theory... (fwd)
Date: Sun, 05 Nov 1995 16:09:33 -0500
From: BRUNO <>
Subject: Small World theory... (fwd)
To: Michael Green <>,
 Jennifer Bump <>,
 David Scroggins <scro1526@SPLAVA.CC.PLATTSBURGH.EDU
Date: Sat, 04 Nov 1995 15:48:01 -0500 
To: bruno <>,
    sscarbro <>
Subject: Small World theory... (fwd) 
Date: Sat, 04 Nov 1995 14:12:10 -0500 (EST) 
From: Melissa McDermott <>
To: Brad Smith <>,
    Meaghan Jensen <>,
    Robyn Meaney <>,
    Colleen McKinnon <>,
    Keri Skeen <>, James Macomber <>
Subject: Small World theory... (fwd) 
Date: Sat, 4 Nov 1995 10:20:04 -0500 (EST)
From: Cherie A. Raboin <>
To: Melissa McDermott <>
Subject: Small World theory... (fwd)
Date: Thu, 2 Nov 1995 09:07:32 -0800 (PST)
From: Ramona Grenier <>
    "Cherie A. Raboin" <>
Cc: "John W. Lockwood" <>
Subject: Small World theory... (fwd)
Date: Wed, 1 Nov 1995 14:57:09 -0800 (PST)
From: PILGRIM <>
Subject: Small World theory...
>Return-Path:, et al...
>     In a quasi-scientific way, I am going to attempt a test to
>     see how long it takes a friend of mine in Bill Ellis to recieve
>     this message via people we both don't know.  I.E.  We want to 
>     time how long an E-chain mail takes to reach him.  (If you are in 
>     the first group I am sending to and you know his E-mail address, 
>     consider yourself exempt from this test.)
>     Today's date is November 1, 1995 at 9:13 Pacific Standard time.
>     The message is: "The Lotto is a great way to fund our schools."
>     Obviously a lie, but interesting all the same.
>     Bill's response to me should be: "Why yes, I would like a sponge 
>     bath."
>     Thanks.
>     PS For those of you at TM, don't send to anyone else here, it 
>     will stall the server.  Send to only internet people.
Date: 29 Nov 95 22:47:37 EST
From: Anthony T. Field
Subject: The Farther Side
To:, Anthony T. Field
This one has been around before, but it's a good one.  You see, if you don't make the 
grade this week, there's always a fallback...
(Thanks to J.R. Clarke for this one!)
Herbert A. Millington
Chair - Search Committee
412A Clarkson Hall
Whitson University
College Hill, MA 34109
Dear Professor Millington,
Thank you for your letter of March 16.  After careful consideration, I
regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an
assistant professor position in your department.
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large
number of rejection letters.  With such a varied and promising field of
candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in
rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at
this time.  Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor in
your department this August.  I look forward to seeing you then.
Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.
                                        Chris L. Jensen