>Date: 09 Mar 97 22:36:24 EST
>From: Anthony T. Field
>Subject: The Farther Side
>To: Anthony T. Field
Greetings!
Well, it's been a long time, but I've been in the process of automating the list to make life easier for everybody. Details on that to follow.
Best of luck on exams everybody!
Over break go see the Star Wars movies. And keep these songs in mind! (Thanks Fi!)
Enjoy,
Tony
** Imperial Rhapsody
-- (sung to Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody")
LANDO: This is the good life
This is a fantasy
Working on Bespin
An escape from Reality.
LEIA: Open your eyes
Stand up to these guys and see.
LUKE: I'm just a farmboy, I need some sympathy
Cuz who's my dad, I dunno
Little whine, little moan.
HAN: Anywhere the Force goes, doesn't really matter, to me
PIETT: Vader just killed a man.
Raised an arm up in the air
Now his life is no longer there.
Vader, we had just begun,
And now I've gone and lost the reb-el scum.
Vader, ooooooo.
Didn't mean to make you mad
If I'm not alive again this time tomorrow,
There'll be a new admiral, as if nothing ever happened.
YODA: Too late, my time has come,
Sends shivers down my spine
Body's aching all the time.
LUKE: Goodbye everybody, I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and learn the Force.
PIETT: Vader, ooooooooo.
I don't want to die
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all.
LUKE: I see a little silhouetto of a man
Palpatine, Palpatine, can it be the Emperor?
Thunderbolts and lightning, very very hurting me!
R2-D2, R2-D2,
R2-D2, R2-D2,
R2-D2, Where'd ya go? C-3PO O O O O O OH!
I'm just a farmboy, nobody loves me.
REBELS: He's just a farmboy, with a dead family.
Spare him this life of such mendacity!
HAN: Spice'll come, spice'll go. Jabba let me go.
JABBA: Bo shuda! (NO, we will not let you go)
HAN: Let me go!
JABBA: Bo shuda! (We will not let you go)
HAN: Let me go!
JABBA: Bo shuda! (We will not let you go)
HAN: LET ME GO!
JABBA: WILL NOT LET YOU GO!
HAN: LET ME GO!
JABBA: WILL NOT LET YOU GO!
HAN: LET ME GO!
JABBA: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
C3PO: Oh R2-D2, R2-D2, R2-D2, Come along.
LEIA: C-3PO has a rebel put aside for meeeee, for meeeeee,
for MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
(Stormtroopers start headbanging)
LUKE: So you say you're the dear old dad of mine?
But you cut my hand off and left me to die!
Oh Vader, can't do this to me, Vader.
I know there's some good, I know there's still some good in you.
OBIWAN: May the Force be with you.
Use the Force to see.
May the Force be with you,
May the Force be with you, alwaaaaaaaaaaaaays.
HAN: Anywhere the Force goes, doesn't really mat-ter, to meeeeeeee.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
** KENOBI
-- (sung to Paul Simon's "Cecilia", by Darth Vader during his
duel with Obi Wan)
CHORUS
Kenobi,
You shouldn't have come back,
You best watch your back
Or I'll kill ya.
Oh Kenooooobi,
Your powers are weak,
You're feeble and meek,
And you're old.
Old, old, old.
Swingin' blades
In the afternoon,
With Kenobi,
He's an old buffoon
(old buffoon)
I cut through
His chest and face,
When he falls to the ground
Air has taken his place.
REPEAT CHORUS
FUNKY NOISES SOLO
Ju-bi-la-tion!
I murdered that coot,
He's stuck to my boot
And I'm laughing.
Ju-bi-la-tion!
I murdered that coot,
He's stuck to my boot
And I'm laughing.
LUKE: Noooooo! No nooooo!
No noooo no no no nooooo! . . .
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
** HAN (To REM's "Stand")
-- (sung to REM's "Stand", by His Excellency, Jabba The Hutt)
Han in the place where I live
(On the wall) Think about adhesion, wonder what holds him up there now
Han in my palace at home
(It's the best)
Makes a good example for the people who are working for me.
Now if, you have, to hang up your hat
just use, the guy, who's frozen and flat
His hand, is there, to hold things for you
And Han, is there, 'cause I like the view!
Oh Han with my trophies at work
(Excellent)
Think about collection, wonder can I get the Wookiee now
Han, brought here by my best friend
(Boba Fett)
Stops him dumping cargo runs and blowing my employees in half
Now Han, a statue, is a good sight
I'm glad, that Vader, used carbonite
He's not, asleep, he's stuck in a dream.
I like, his face-perpetual scream!
Oh Han on display in my room
(Work of art)
Think of decoration, maybe should I hang him sideways now?
Han, it was worth all the cash
(Every cent)
He even opens bottles and I think he'd make real good doorman
Han on the deck of my barge
Han frozen stiff as a bar
Han doesn't wander too far
Oh Han!
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
** THE MAX REBO BAND
-- (sung to Billy Joel's "The Pianoman")
It's nine o'clock down at Jabba's place
the regular crowd waddles in
there's a weird thing sitting next to me
it has three eyes and mottled gray skin.
Fett says Max can you play me a memory
I'm not really sure how it goes
but it's haunting and sweet and if you miss a beat
this carbine will blow off your nose.
He said sing us a song now, Max Rebo Band
sing us a song tonight
'cause we're all in the mood for a melody
except Solo, who's in carbonite.
La de de da, de de da
La da de de da, da dum..
Now Jabba the Hutt is a friend of mine
he gives me my life for free
And because he's a Hutt, why, we all kiss his butt
or the rancor will have us for tea.
He said "Bo Shuda, offom da Tukatti!"
as he stuffed a frog into his face
but we don't know a woid, 'cause he shot the talkdroid
So we'll smile and nod, just in case.
Oh, La de de da, de de da
La da de de da, da dum..
Sing us a song now, Max Rebo Band
sing us a song tonight
'cause we're all in the mood for a melody
except Solo, who's in carbonite.
Sy Snootles is our favorite vocalist
her face it ain't launching no ships.
Don't know why it behoove her to go kiss a Hoover
but that's how she got those weird lips.
A Gammorean guard is headbutting bricks
as another one gnaws on a bone
and I don't know which has less intelligence
either those two big thugs or the stone.
Sing us a song now, Max Rebo Band
sing us a song tonight
'cause we're all in the mood for a melody
except Solo, who's in carbonite.
Oh, la da da da de de dah
la da de de da dah dum..
It's a pretty good crowd, here at Jabba's place
it's a killing, that's why we're all here
we'll sail over the dune to the pit of Carkoon
and we'll toss someone in with a cheer.
'Cause we gotta new droid on the pedestal
and a man in black's come in the door
he just pointed a gun over Salacious Crumb
and then promptly sank through the floor.
Oh, La de de da, de de da
La da de de da, da dum..
Sing us a song now, Max Rebo Band
sing us a song tonight
for the Jedi Skywalker is down below
and the rancor is gripping him tight
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
** Blast, Loot, Pillage, Burn
-- (sung to The Mickey Mouse Club Theme)
Blast, loot, pillage, burn, blast, loot, pillage, burn.
Who's the leader of the Horde that's made for what we are?
Lord D-A-R-T-H-V-A-D-E-R!
Hey there, hi there, ho there! We'll conquer every star!
Lord D-A-R-T-H-V-A-D-E-R!
Darth Vader! (Obi Wan) Darth vader! (Skywalker!)
For ever let us hold our blasters high! High! High! HIGH!
Come along and sing our song and march with us to war,
Lord D-A-R-T-H-V-A-D-E-R!
(slowly)
Now its time to say goodbye - they're closing up the bar -
Lord D-A- [aaayy]*
R-T-H- ["H" is what he'll give ya!]
V-A-D-E- (pause) R-R-R-R.
*a la the Fonze, including thumbs up gesture.
A- [aaayy]*
R-T-H- ["H" is what he'll give ya!]
V-A-D-E- (pause)
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
** "I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Diplomatic Droid"
-- (sung to Gilbert and Sullivan's "I Am The Very Model Of A
Modern Major General")
-- From: redfive@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au
(from _HMS DEATHSTAR_)
THREEPIO:
I am the very model of a modern diplomatic droid
I'm fluent in the languages of Robot, Wookiee, humanoid,
A binary loadlifter does not pose the slightest mystery,
I know the rules of protocol and also human history.
I'm very well acquainted too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news --
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse
CHORUS
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse (X3)
THREEPIO
I'm very good at integral and differential calculus,
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous;
In short, my masters find in me a reason to be overjoyed,
I am the very model of a modern diplomatic droid.
CHORUS
In short his masters find in he, etc.
THREEPIO
I am the very model of a modern diplomatic droid;
Adventure is the sort of thing I'd hoped that I could quite avoid,
For droids who find adventure often find that they get melted down,
Or shipped out to the Kessel mines and tiresome labor underground.
My counterpart excels at making trouble for the rest of us,
He lured me to the desert where the jawas soon molested us,
They sold us to some farmers, and before the passing of a day,
I had to tell my master that the little twerp had run away
CHORUS
He had to tell etc. (X3)
THREEPIO
Now that we're on the Death Star, and stormtroopers swarm the premises,
I'm hiding in the closet with that little Artoo nemesis;
And so I want to make it clear 'ere Artoo gets us both destroyed.
I was the very model of a modern diplomatic droid.
CHORUS
And so he wants to make it clear 'ere Artoo gets them both destroyed,
He was the very model of a modern diplomatic droid.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
** Luke
-- (sung to The Presidents of the USA's "Lump")
-- New words by Patrick Mines.
Luke sat alone on Tatooine,
Waiting for something to happen to him.
Droids showed up on the moisture farm,
They totally confused all the passing jawas.
He's Luke, he's Luke, he's in my head.
He's Luke, he's Luke, he's Luke, his family's dead.
Luke lingered long on Dagobah,
And the dream he got was sort of rotten and it seems
Ben lied to him and Vader's his dad.
Is Luke over there hanging out with no hand?
He's Luke, he's Luke, he's in my head,
He's Luke, he's Luke, he's Luke, his family's dead.
(whining)
Luke was standing ready and without a care.
The guard pushed him off and he tumbled through the air.
He did some fairly heroic-type deeds.
Luke left for Endor at subsonic speeds.
He's Luke, he's Luke, he's in my head,
He's Luke, he's Luke, he's Luke, his family's dead.
Is this Luke outta my head?
I think so.
Is this Luke outta my head?
I think so. Yeah! Whooo!
Is this Luke outta my head?
I think so.
Is this Luke outta my head?
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
This has been verififed to be true. The email doesn't even have to say anything.... the Houghton-Mifflin publishing co. is giving books to children's hospitals; how many books they give depends on how many emails they receive from people around the world. for every 25 emails they receive, they give one book. All you have to do is email share@hmco.com, and put "Books for Kids" in the subject field. Hope you can spare the seconds...and let your friends know. So far they only have 3, 400 messages...last year they reached 23,000.
Approved-By: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@DARTMOUTH.EDU>
Date: Mon, 10 Mar 1997 20:58:55 EST
Reply-To: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Subject: The Farther Side
Comments: To: tfs@caligari.Dartmouth.EDU
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Greetings!
Well, it's been a long time, but I've been in the process of automating the
list to make life easier for everybody. Details on that to follow.
Happy 22nd Birthday Padraic@dartmouth.edu!!
Best of luck on exams everybody!
I now have only 17 hours till my paper is due, so this is pretty appropriate.
(thanks Neesha!)
Enjoy,
Tony
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a workstation....
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
This has been verififed to be true. The email doesn't even have to say
anything.... the Houghton-Mifflin publishing co. is giving books to children's
hospitals; how many books they give depends on how many emails they receive
from people around the world. for every 25 emails they receive, they give one
book. All you have to do is email share@hmco.com, and put "Books for Kids" in
the subject field. Hope you can spare the seconds...and let your friends know.
So far they only have 3, 400 messages...last year they reached 23,000.
--- Forwarded Message from somebody trustworthy in New York City ---
VIRUS WARNING
This information was received this morning from IBM, please share it with
anyone that might access the Internet.
If anyone receives mail entitled: PENPAL GREETINGS! Please delete it
WITHOUT
reading it. ON NO ACCOUNT BE TEMPTED TO OPEN AND READ THE MESSAGE.
This is a warning for all Internet users. There is a dangerous virus
propagating across the Internet through an e-mail message entitled 'PENPAL
GREETINGS!'. DO NOT OPEN ANY MESSAGE ENTITLED "PENPAL GREETINGS!" The
message appears to be a friendly letter asking you if you are interested in a
penpal, but by the time you open it to read it, it is too late. The 'trojan
horse' virus will have already infected the boot sector of your hard drive,
destroying all of the data present. It is a self-propagating virus, and once
the message is read, it will AUTOMATICALLY forward itself to anyone whose
e-mail address is present in YOUR mailbox. This virus will destroy your hard
drive, and holds the potential to destroy the hard drive of anyone whose mail
is in your in-box, and whose mail is in their in-box and so on. If this virus
keeps getting passed, it has the potential to do a great deal of damage to
computer networks worldwide.
Please, delete the message entitled "PENPAL GREETINGS!" as soon as you see it.
And pass this message along to all of your friends, relatives and the other
readers of the newsgroups and mailing lists which you are on.
Approved-By: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@DARTMOUTH.EDU>
Date: Tue, 11 Mar 1997 18:54:44 EST
Reply-To: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Subject: The Farther Side
Comments: To: tfs@caligari.Dartmouth.EDU
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Greetings
My apologies for the virus warning, as it turns out it was a hoax.
I'm looking for a signature for The Farther Side, and it must contain the
general info. provided in the one I have used today. If anyone wants their
ASCII skills immortalized, by all means, please send me your design!
Here is a little prayer for those of you in finals from Ian, followed by some
common corporate slogans that just don't quite make it when you apply them
to... condoms...
Enjoy,
Tony
Now I lay me down to rest
A pile of books upon my chest
And if I die before I wake
That's one less test I'll have to take
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Nike Condoms: Just do it.
Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.
Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.
Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.
Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.
Flinstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing.
Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but ph balanced for a woman.
Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, it's that simple.
Ford Condoms: The best never rest.
Chevy Condoms: Like a Rock.
Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?
New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey - you never know.
California Lotto Condoms: Who's next?
Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.
EverReady Condoms: Keeps going and going ...
KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.
Coca Cola Condoms: Always the Real Thing.
Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one.
Campbells Soup Condoms: Mm, mm good.
M&M's Condom: It melts in your mouth not in your hand...
Burger King's Condom: Yes! You can have it your way...
Timex Watch Condoms: It takes a lickin and keeps on tickin...
GE electrical Condoms: We bring good things to life...
Jim Carrey 's "The Mask" Condom: It's Smokin!!!!
Fast Food Joint Condoms: Guaranteed in 30 seconds or your next one is free..
Dominoes Pizza Condoms: "We deliver!"
Spearmint Chewing Gum Condom's: Double your pleasure, Double your fun!!!
Jiffy Lubes' Condom: Good for the next 3000 miles...
Folger's coffee condoms: "Good til the last drop"
______________________________________________________
| T H E F A R T H E R S I D E |
| ~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ |
| See the WWW page listed below for subscription info |
| |
| http://www.dartmouth.edu/~field/tfs/ |
| Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.edu |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Approved-By: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@DARTMOUTH.EDU>
Date: Wed, 12 Mar 1997 16:58:59 EST
Reply-To: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Subject: The Farther Side
Comments: To: tfs@caligari.Dartmouth.EDU
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Greetings
Here's something from Jeff. Some people just make you wonder...
Congrats to those of you who are finished with exams... like I am as of 5 hours
ago!! :-) Anyway, I've a request for anyone who is going to Boston this
weekend and has a couple of extra seats in their car.... Please blitz back.
Also, if anyone's looking to store their computer on a friendly person's desk
for the spring term, please blitz back.
Enjoy,
Tony
Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel
after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.
A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face,
seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each
other's head.
A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its
workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job.
According to Industrial Machinery News, the film's depiction of gory
industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor
injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted,
and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair
while watching the film.
The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting
a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.
A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, but by the time
police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had
begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.
Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years on a book about
Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied,
only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker
confused the copier with the shredder.
A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C., then a few days later
accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out
for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police
officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the
courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.
Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal
colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The
message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy
button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.
Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over
the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police.
They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.
A Los Angeles man who later said he was "tired of walking," stole a
steamroller and led police on a 5 MPH chase until an officer stepped aboard
and brought the vehicle to a stop.
______________________________________________________
| T H E F A R T H E R S I D E |
| ~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ |
| See the WWW page listed below for subscription info |
| |
| http://www.dartmouth.edu/~field/tfs/ |
| Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.edu |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Approved-By: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@DARTMOUTH.EDU>
Date: Thu, 13 Mar 1997 08:55:59 EST
Reply-To: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Subject: The Farther Side
Comments: To: tfs@caligari.Dartmouth.EDU
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Greetings!
Anyone ever heard of mr. ASCIIhead? Well, he's here, and he knows Tai-chi and
the Macarena! (thanks David and Neesha)
Anyone who is off next term, please consult the web page for sign off
procedures. I don't get postmaster messages any more.
Enjoy,
Tony
Mr. Asciihead learns the Macarena.
o o o o o <o <o> o> o o> o
.|. \|. \|/ // X \ | \ x | <|>
/\ >\ /< >\ /< >\ /< >\ /< >\ /<
o o o o o
<\> </> <\> ) |=
>\ /< >\ >> |
Mr. Asciihead learns Tai-Chi.
Turn and Brush Knee
o ox o (o o_
(x) )' (|' |) ),'
( ) / ) < ' (-' >\
Grasp bird's tail
o, o, o o o o o
)-' /|' )-' )-' (-' )-' )-'
>\ >\ >\ / > >\ / > / >
Single Whip
o_, o o_ o_ _o o, o, o_,
)-' `|> )_' )'' `,( )-' )' )'
>\ > < > < >\ /< >\ >' / >
Step Back & Repulse the Monkey
o_, o_, (o_ o, o_, o_, (o_ o,
,) <) ) ' )\ ,) <) ) ' )\
>\ >\ >\ >> >\ >\ >\ >>
o_, o_, (o_ o, o_, o_, (o_ o, o_,
,) <) ) ' )\ ,) <) ) ' )\ ,)
>\ >\ >\ >> >\ >\ >\ >> >\
Slant-flying stance
o_ o_ `\o ,o o o/'
<) ' )_' |) '|) ,|' ()
>\ >> < \ / > >\ / >
Strikes Ear with Both Hands
o (o o/' o_
/) ) ) ) '
< \ / > >> < \
White Stork Spreads Wings
.o; o o (o) o o o ,
`| `|> `-|-' | '-|' ,|) )<
< \ < \ < \ < \ < ' / > < \
Brush Knee & Needle at Sea Bottom
o_, o, o o_ o_ o'
)-' /|' ,=( ),` ) ' (\ ^o
>\ / > >' >\ >^' >\ >\'
Fan Penetrates Through Back
Turn and Chop with Fist
,o_ <o) o . o `\o o
) ' 0 `,( ``( `( ,(
/ > < \ / > < \ /< /<
_o o ,_o o_ o
''( /( '( '| ' ,0'
/< /< < \ /< /<
Grasp bird's tail
. o ,o o o o o o o
`-( `|\ )=, `-) `-( '-) '-) '-(
/< /< /< /< < \ < \ /< < \
Single Whip
o o o_, ,o , o , o , , o
'-( <|` )-' _`) `)-' `)- `)-'
/< > < > < /< / > < \ / >
Wave Hands As Clouds
o ,_o o o_, o ,_o o o_,
/|) -( (|\ )- /|) -( (|\ )-
/ > [] < > < > [] [] < > < >
o ,_o o o_, o ,_o o o_,
/|) -( (|\ )- /|) -( (|\ )-
[] [] < > < > [] [] < > < >
Single Whip
`\o , o , o , o , , o
|) `)-' `)-' `)- `)-'
/< < \ / > < \ / >
Left High Pat Horse
o. o o/ o ,o o , ,o
)/ )~' )' <)' -( )- '-0
>] >\ >\ >\ >\ >\ >\
Seperate Foot to Left
Turn and Kick
o ox ,o, `o o, (o) `o
,|' )' ) )\ ), ( /(
< \ / > >^' > ' >] [< `~<
Brush Knee and Twist Step Left
Brush Knee and Twist Step Right
Step up and punch
.o _o ,o _o o, o
`(, ',( `|\ ',( /0' /( o^
4' < \ / > < \ / > < \ '< \
Turn and chop with fist
Step up, deflect, parry, punch
, o o; o/' o/ o o_ o_,
~( )' )' )' ), )'' )'
/< >\ >] >\ >\ >\ / >
Right High Pat Horse
o/ o ,o o , ,o
)' <)' -( )- '-|
>\ >\ >\ >\ >\
Seperate Foot to Right
Turn and Kick
o ox ,o, `o o, (o) `o
,|' )' ) )\ ), ( /(
< \ / > >^' > ' >] [< `~<
Brush Knee and Twist Step Right
Brush Knee and Twist Step Left
Step up and punch
.o _o ,o _o o, o
`(, ',( `|\ ',( /0' /( o^
4' < \ / > < \ / > < \ '< \
Turn and chop with fist
Step up, deflect, parry, punch
, o o; o/' o/ o o_ o_,
~( )' )' )' ), )'' )'
/< >\ >] >\ >\ >\ / >
Curve Bow to Shoot Tiger Right
_o o ox (o_, , \o ` o
0' `|, )' )_, o, ,( `-(
< \ / > >^' > > \ /< / >
Curve Bow to Shoot Tiger Left
o o ox (o_, , \o ` o
(|\ `|\ )' )_, o, ,( `-(
< \ / > >^' > > \ /< / >
Strike Ear with Both Fist
Seperate Foot to Left
o x_o o xo ,_o)
(\ ( ,( `( ,_(
/ > < \ / > `^< <
Side Facing & Kick
Strike Ear with Both Fist
,_o o o o ,_o
'_( /( ,( (> ' (
' < {< ^< `~< < \
Turn & Seperate Foot to Right
Side Facing & Kick
Strike Ear with Both Fist
(o) ox (o_, o_, o o o o_,
) )' )_, )_' )\ ), <) ) '
>\ >^' > > ' >} >^ >~' / >
Separate Foot to Left
o, ,o o, o., ox (o_,
)-' `-( )-' )' )' )_,
>\ /< >\ >\ >^ >
Step up, deflect, parry, punch
o' o, o_ o_, o_,
), )-' )'' )' )-'
>> >\ >\ / > / >
Completion
o_, (o) _o_ o o o
)-' | ` | ' (x) '|` [|]
/ > / > [ ] ( ) [ ] [ ]
______________________________________________________
| T H E F A R T H E R S I D E |
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Approved-By: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@DARTMOUTH.EDU>
Date: Fri, 21 Mar 1997 01:11:32 EST
Reply-To: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Subject: TFS Signature
Comments: To: tfs@caligari.Dartmouth.EDU
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Greetings!
I hope everyone had a nice little holiday, I'm back about 4 days early...
Here's a little exam story from Jen...
Enjoy!
Tony
A True Story. A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for
his graduate students. It had one question:
"Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with a proof."
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or
some variant. One student, however wrote the following:
---
First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If
they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So at what rate are
souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can
safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore,
no souls are leaving.
As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that are
in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a
member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since, there are more than
one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion ,
we can project that all people and all souls go to hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls
in hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states
that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same the
ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant.
So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until
all hell breaks loose.
Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls
in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes
over.
______________________________________________________
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Approved-By: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@DARTMOUTH.EDU>
Date: Sat, 22 Mar 1997 09:34:39 EST
Reply-To: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Subject: The Farther Side
Comments: To: tfs@caligari.Dartmouth.EDU
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Greetings!
Beware "The Plan" in that large coroporation you might be working for...
Enjoy,
Tony
THE PLAN
In the Beginning was the plan.
And then came the assumptions.
And the assumptions were without form.
And the plan was completely without substance.
And the darkness was upon the face of the workers. And they spoke
among themselves saying: "It is a crock of sh_t, and it stinketh."
And the workers went unto their supervisors, and sayeth:
"It is a pail of dung, and none can abide the odor Thereof"
And the supervisors went unto their managers and sayeth unto
them, "It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong,
Such that none can abide it."
And the managers went unto the directors and sayeth, "It is a
vessel of fertilizer, and none can abide its strength." And the
directors spoke amongst themselves, saying one to another: "It
contains that which aids plant growth, and is very strong."
And the directors went unto the vice presidents and sayeth
to them, "It promotes growth, and is very powerful."
And the vice presidents went unto the president, and sayeth
unto him, "This new plan will actively promote growth and
efficiency of this company, and certain areas in particular."
And the president looked upon the plan, and saw that it was good.
And the plan became policy.
And this is how sh_t happens.
______________________________________________________
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Approved-By: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@DARTMOUTH.EDU>
Date: Sun, 23 Mar 1997 15:02:46 EST
Reply-To: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Subject: The Farther Side
Comments: To: tfs@caligari.Dartmouth.EDU
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Greetings...
A commentary on love.
Enjoy,
Tony
Murphy's Laws of Love
1. All the good ones are taken.
2. If the person isn't taken, there's a reason. (corr. to 1)
3. The nicer someone is, the farther away (s)he is from you.
4. Brains * Beauty * Availability = Constant.
5. The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to
how much you love them.
6. Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.
7. The best things in the world are free --- and worth every penny of it.
8. Every kind action has a not-so-kind reaction.
9. Nice guys(girls) finish last.
10. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
11. Availability is a function of time. The minute you get interested is the
minute they find someone else.
______________________________________________________
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Approved-By: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@DARTMOUTH.EDU>
Date: Mon, 24 Mar 1997 00:02:19 EST
Reply-To: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Subject: The Farther Side
Comments: To: tfs@caligari.Dartmouth.EDU
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Greetings!
Say, did anybody happen to notice the lunar eclipse going on right this
instant? (Midnight, Monday morning)
Here's more on love and life... Thanks to Scott!
Enjoy,
Tony
THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE
AGE DRINK
17 beer
25 beer
35 vodka
48 double vodka
66 Bonox
SEDUCTION LINE
17 My parents are away for the weekend.
25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35 My fiancee is away for the weekend.
48 My wife is away for the weekend.
66 My second wife is dead.
FAVOURITE SPORT
17 sex
25 sex
35 sex
48 sex
66 napping
DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 "tongue"
25 "breakfast"
35 "she didn't set back my therapy"
48 "I didn't have to meet her kids."
66 "Got home alive."
FAVOURITE FANTASY
17 getting to third base
25 airplane sex
35 menage a trois
48 taking the company public
66 Swiss maid/Nazi love slave
HOUSE PET
17 roaches
25 stoned-out college roommate
35 Irish setter
48 children from his first marriage
66 Barbie
WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 25
25 35
35 48
48 66
66 17
IDEAL DATE
17 Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
25 "Split the check before we go back to my place"
35 "Just come over."
48 "Just come over and cook."
66 sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE
AGE DRINK
17 Wine Coolers
25 White wine
35 Red wine
48 Dom Perignon
66 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser
EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17 Need to wash my hair
25 Need to wash and condition my hair
35 Need to colour my hair
48 Need to have Francois colour my hair
66 Need to have Francois colour my wig
FAVOURITE SPORT
17 shopping
25 shopping
35 shopping
48 shopping
66 shopping
DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 "Burger King"
25 "Free meal"
35 "A diamond"
48 "A bigger diamond"
66 "Home Alone"
FAVOURITE FANTASY
17 tall, dark and handsome
25 tall, dark and handsome with money
35 tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48 a man with hair
66 a man
HOUSE PET
17 Muffy the cat
25 Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
35 Irish setter and Muffy the Cat
48 Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat
66 Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy the Cat
--------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Bio 16 Text for sale:
An Introduction to Genetic Analysis, 5th Edition, by Griffiths etc. (blue-ish
cover with mouse on front)
only $25!!!!!! good condition, too!!! (regular at least $55 in the Bookstore)
Blitz Jessica.K.Schefter@Dartmouth.edu if interested.
______________________________________________________
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Approved-By: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@DARTMOUTH.EDU>
Date: Mon, 24 Mar 1997 23:35:39 EST
Reply-To: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Subject: The Farther Side
Comments: To: tfs@caligari.Dartmouth.EDU
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Greetings!
Happy Birthday Jessica.Baldwin@Dartmouth.edu!!!! :-)
Watch out for those engineers... They can be kinda mean sometimes!
Enjoy,
Tony
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly
slow group of golfers.
Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15
minutes!
Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!
Priest: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.
Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow aren't they?
George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost
their sight while saving our club house last year. So we let them play here
anytime free of charge!
(silence)
Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them
tonight.
Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy
and see if there's anything he can do for them.
Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Anthro 55 books for sale (4 of them) and Ed 20 (2 of them). Please call 65577
or blitz Sophie Billekens.
______________________________________________________
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Approved-By: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@DARTMOUTH.EDU>
Date: Tue, 25 Mar 1997 23:42:44 EST
Reply-To: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Subject: The Farther Side
Comments: To: tfs@caligari.Dartmouth.EDU
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Greetings!
I just saw Romeo and Juliet - the "new" movie (with about half of the student
body...) Excellently done!
Unfortunately, they don't allow you to eat movie munchies in our auditorium...
This story might provide clues as to why... Thanks Dan!
Enjoy,
Tony
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the
strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold
M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure,
squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is
the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to
go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and
the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that
the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of
competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or
pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be
a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength.
In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.
When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest
of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I
pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of
Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card
reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free
1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set
aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we
will discover the True Champion.
There can be only one.
______________________________________________________
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Approved-By: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@DARTMOUTH.EDU>
Date: Wed, 26 Mar 1997 23:53:43 EST
Reply-To: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Subject: The Farther Side
Comments: To: tfs@caligari.Dartmouth.EDU
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Greetings.
As the spring slowly comes back to New Hampshire, some of you might start to
BBQ some of your food... Don't try this at home...
Enjoy,
Tony
The benefits of higher education: Engineering the BBQ
Our subject today is lighting charcoal grills. One of our favorite charcoal
grill lighters is a guy named George Goble (really!!), a computer person in the
Purdue University engineering department. Each year, Goble and a bunch of other
engineers hold a picnic in West Lafayette, Indiana, at which they cook
hamburgers on a big grill. Being engineers, they began looking for practical
ways to speed up the charcoal lighting process.
"We started by blowing the charcoal with a hair dryer," Goble told me in a
telephone interview. "Then we figured out that it would light faster if we used
a vacuum cleaner."
If you know anything about (1) engineers and (2) guys in general, you know what
happened: The purpose of the charcoal lighting shifted from cooking hamburgers
to seeing how fast they could light the charcoal.
From the vacuum cleaner, they escalated to using a propane torch, then an
acetylene torch. Then Goble started using compressed pure oxygen, which caused
the charcoal to burn much faster, because as you recall from chemistry class,
fire is essentially the rapid combination of oxygen with a reducing agent (the
charcoal). We discovered that a long time ago, somewhere in the valley between
the Tigris and Euphrates rivers (or something along those lines).
By this point, Goble was getting pretty good times. But in the world of
competitive charcoal lighting, "pretty good" does not cut the mustard. Thus,
Goble hit upon the idea of using - get ready - liquid oxygen.
This is the form of oxygen used in rocket engines; it's 295 degrees below zero
and 600 times as dense as regular oxygen. In terms of releasing energy,
pouring liquid oxygen on charcoal is the equivalent of throwing a live squirrel
into a room containing 50 million Labrador retrievers.
On Goble's World Wide Web page (http://ghg.ecn.purdue.edu/), you can see actual
photographs and a video of Goble using a bucket attached to a 10 foot long
wooden handle to dump 3 gallons of liquid oxygen (not sold in stores) onto a
grill containing 60 pounds of charcoal and a lit cigarette for ignition.
What follows is the probably most impressive charcoal lighting that has ever
been witnessed, featuring a large fireball that, according to Goble, reached
10,000 degrees Fahrenheit.
The charcoal was ready for cooking in - this has got to be a world record - 3
seconds. There's also a photo of what happened when Goble used the same
technique on a flimsy $2.88 discount store grill.
All that's left is a circle of charcoal with a few shreds of metal in it.
"Basically, the grill evaporated," said Goble. "We were thinking of returning
it to the store for a refund."
Looking at Goble's video and photos, we can, as Americans, become all choked up
with gratitude at the fact that we do not live anywhere near the engineers'
picnic site. Yet at the same time, we can be proud of our country for
producing guys who can be ready to barbecue in less time than it takes for guys
in less advanced nations, such as France, to spit.
Will the 3-second barrier ever be broken? Will engineers come up with a new,
more powerful charcoal lighting technology? It's something for all of us to
ponder this summer as we sit outside, eating our hamburgers, every now and then
glancing in the direction of West Lafayette Indiana, looking for a mushroom
cloud.
I'm in need of a ride to Buffalo, NY, or anywhere in that Western NY-Toronto
region, for Friday, April 18th (coming back that same weekend). If anyone's
headed that way, I'll pay for gas and tolls. Please blitz Jen Leahy.
______________________________________________________
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From ???@??? Mon Mar 10 21:00:59 1997
Approved-By: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@DARTMOUTH.EDU>
Date: Sat, 29 Mar 1997 14:29:25 EST
Reply-To: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Subject: The Farther Side
Comments: To: tfs@caligari.Dartmouth.EDU
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Greetings...
Here's one thanks to Dave!
Enjoy,
Tony
The following article was taken from the Arkansas Democrat Gazette,
July 25, 1996:
Two Local Men Injured in Freak Truck Accident Cotton Patch, Ark.
Two local men were seriously injured when their pick-up truck left the road and
struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday morning.
Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after
midnight Monday.
Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock are
listed in serious condition at Baptist Medical Center.
The accident occurred as the two men were returning to Des Arc after a frog
gigging trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pick-up truck headlights
malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model
truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed
that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box
next to the steering wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet, the headlights
again began to operate properly and the two men proceeded on east-bound toward
the White River bridge.
After traveling approximately twenty miles and just before crossing the river,
the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the right
testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply to the right exiting the pavement and
striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the
accident, but will require surgery to repair the other wound. Wallis sustained
a broken clavicle and was treated and released.
"Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his nuts off or we
might both be dead" stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for ten years in this
part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two
would admit how this accident happened", said Snyder.
Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia, Poole's wife asked how many frogs
the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck.
______________________________________________________
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Approved-By: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@DARTMOUTH.EDU>
Date: Sun, 30 Mar 1997 23:40:56 EST
Reply-To: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Subject: The Farther Side
Comments: To: tfs@caligari.Dartmouth.EDU
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Greetings!
I hope everyone had a good weekend... There were lots of movies going on around
campus once again... On that note, here's a little story for you...
Enjoy,
Tony
This one guy was at a theater and he was sprawled out over 3 seats. The usher
came by and told the guy to move. The guy mumbled but didn't answer. He went
and got the manager. The manager said to the man, "Sir, if you don't move,
I'll call the police to have you removed." The guy mumbled, but didn't answer.
So the manager called the police and a cop came over. The cop said to the man,
"Hey mister. What's your name?"
The man said,"Pete."
The cop asked,"Where ya from, Pete?"
He said, "The balcony."
______________________________________________________
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