Approved-By: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@DARTMOUTH.EDU>
Date: Thu, 3 Apr 1997 21:44:35 EST
Reply-To: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Subject: The Farther Side
Comments: To: TFS@caligari.Dartmouth.EDU
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Greetings...
I received this from my Canadian friend who received it from an Australian
friend via someone else. I'm also Canadian and American. The critics say it's
accurate! :-)
Enjoy,
Tony
("the one" ;-)
Cultural Differences Explained
==============================
Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans
when abroad.
Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.
Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.
Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who
belong to your club.
Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of
themselves.
Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.
Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer.
Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic
to the point of blindness.
Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be
bothered to sing them.
Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform
the anthem.
Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American
channels.
Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels.
Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no-one there
watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.
Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball, and
basketball.
Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer, and
rugby.
Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey,
hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing
baseball.
Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in
every sport they play them in.
Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it "English".
Brits: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it
"English".
Canadians: Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans.
Aussies: Add "G'day", "mate" and a heavy accent to everything they
say in an attempt to get laid.
Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on
an island.
Aussies: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on
an island.
Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor
in a backwards country.
Canadians: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor
in a backwards country.
Americans: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.
Canadians: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.
Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting piss.
Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.
Americans: Seem to think that poverty & failure are morally suspect.
Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally
suspect.
Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure
are inherited things.
Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several
beers.
______________________________________________________
| T H E F A R T H E R S I D E |
| ~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ |
| See the WWW page listed below for subscription info |
| |
| http://www.dartmouth.edu/~field/tfs/ |
| Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.edu |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Approved-By: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@DARTMOUTH.EDU>
Date: Sat, 5 Apr 1997 23:57:35 EST
Reply-To: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Subject: The Farther Side
Comments: To: tfs@caligari.Dartmouth.EDU
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Greetings!
Spring is finally here!!
Don't forget to change your clocks forward one hour tonight!
Enjoy,
Tony
ONLY IN MERRY OLDE ENGLAND (actual trial)
A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When she noticed a
young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her
condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and
then on her fourth move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.
When the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in
such a manner. His reply was:
When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She
sat under an advertisement which read "Coming Soon The Gold Dust Twins", then
she moved under one that read "Sloans Liniments remove Swelling". I was even
more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement which read "William
Stick Did The Trick". Then I could not control myself any longer when on the
fourth move she sat under an advertisement which read "Dunlop Rubber would have
prevented this accident."
He won the case.
*****************************
Monday Night is Movie Night!
Join the Irish Society on April 7th for "Into the West", a great movie about
two young boys who become outlaws and a magical white horse that aids them.
Movie begins at 8pm in the Hyphen.
See you there!
______________________________________________________
| T H E F A R T H E R S I D E |
| ~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ |
| See the WWW page listed below for subscription info |
| |
| http://www.dartmouth.edu/~field/tfs/ |
| Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.edu |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Approved-By: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@DARTMOUTH.EDU>
Date: Mon, 7 Apr 1997 02:50:00 EDT
Reply-To: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Subject: The Farther Side
Comments: To: tfs@caligari.Dartmouth.EDU
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Greetings...
You know the term is back underway when you rearrange your room all day, and
stay up all night working on a problem set... oh well.
Here's a neat little number trick:
Enjoy,
Tony
Guessing Game
1.Pick a number from one to seven.
2.Multiply this number by 2.
3.Add 5.
4.Multiply it by 50
5.If you have already had your birthday this year, add 1747. If you haven't,
add 1746.
6.Last step: Subtract the four digit year that you were born.
Results:
You should now have the three digit number: the first digit of this was your
original number (Step 1). The second two digits are your age!!
______________________________________________________
| T H E F A R T H E R S I D E |
| ~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ |
| See the WWW page listed below for subscription info |
| |
| http://www.dartmouth.edu/~field/tfs/ |
| Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.edu |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Approved-By: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@DARTMOUTH.EDU>
Date: Mon, 7 Apr 1997 22:42:20 EDT
Reply-To: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Subject: The Farther Side
Comments: To: tfs@caligari.Dartmouth.EDU
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Greetings!
One word...
...why?
Enjoy,
Tony
>>>
>>>
>>> (__) )__( vv vv
>>> (oo) (oo) ||----|| *
>>> /-------\/ *-------\/ || | /
>>> / | || / | || /\-------/
>>> * ||----|| / ||----|| (oo)
>>> ^^ ^^ vv vv (~~)
>>>
>>> USA Cow Nerd USA Cow Australian Cow
>>>
>>> (__) (__) (__)
>>> (00) (-o) (--) . . .(*>YAWN<*)
>>> /------\/ /------\/ /------\/
>>> /| || /| || /| ||
>>> * ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----||
>>>
>>> Cow w/ Glasses Flirtatious cow (winking) Cow after pulling an
>>> all-nighter
>>>
>>> O__O \_|_/
>>> (oo) (oo)
>>> /-------\/ /-------\/
>>> / | || / | ||
>>> * ||----|| * ||----||
>>> ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
>>> Cow at Disneyland Cow visiting the Statue of Liberty
>>>
>>> \ (__) (__) * (__)
>>> \\(oo) (\/) \ (oo)
>>> /-----\\\/ /-------\/ \-------\/
>>> / | (##) / | || 8-| ||
>>> * ||----||" * ||----|| ||----||
>>> ^^ ^^ ~~ ~~ ^^ ^^
>>> Scottish cow playing bagpipes. Cow from Beijing Wind-up Flying
Cow
>>>
>>> * (__) (__) (__) (__)
>>> \ (oo) (oo) (oo) (oo)
>>> \-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/
>>> /| |\ / / \ / \ / / \ \
>>> //||----||\\ * //------\\ * \\--// * \\----\\
>>> ^ ^^ ^^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
>>> Cow walking Cow jogging Cow running Cow braking
>>>
>>> (__)
>>> (oo) (__) * (__)
>>> \/ (oo) | (oo)
>>> ____| \____ /-------\/ o=o=o=|------\/
>>> ---/ --** / | / | |
>>> *____/ |___// * ||----|| ||----||
>>> //--------/ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
>>> //__ Cow Cow pooing
>>> Cow marching standing
>>>
>>> (__)
>>> (oo) U
>>> /-------\/ /---V
>>> / | || * |--| .
>>> * ||----||
>>> ^^ ^^
>>> Cow at 1 meter. Cow at 100 meters.. Cow at 10,000 meters.
>>>
>>>
>>> (__) (__) (__) (__)
>>> (oo) (oo) (oo) (oo)
>>> /-------\/-* /-------\/ /-------\/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>> / | || \ )*)(\/* / * / | ||
>>> * ||----|| * \ |||/)|/()( ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>> \/|(/)(/\/(,,/ \)|(/\/|)(/\
>>> Cow munching Grass munching Cow in water Cow in swimming
>>> on grass on cow pool
>>>
>>>
>>> (__) (__) (__)
>>> (OO) (@@) (xx)
>>> /-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/
>>> / | || / | || / | ||
>>> * ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----||
>>> ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
>>>
>>> Cow who drank Jolt Cow who ate Cow who used Jolt to wash
>>> psychedelic mushrooms down psychedelic mushrooms
>>>
>>> )\ (__)
>>> / \ (oo)
>>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>> Cow swimming in shark infested water
>>>
>>> ( ( )
>>> ( ( ) )
>>> ( ( )
>>> ( / )
>>> ( ( \\ )
>>> ( | // )
>>> | | (__)
>>> | | (oo) (__)
>>> | | ----\/ ______(oo)_____
>>> | | || ( _)_______(__) )
>>> **| | ---|| \ __________/
>>> ``'---------^^
>>> Cow Hide Cow Pie
>>>
>>> *
>>> ** **
>>> * ** * * * **
>>> * / / \ * *
>>> \ \ / \ / / (__)
>>> * / / \ \ (__) \ \ /--------(00)
>>> / (00) / / / | |( )
>>> \ /-------\/ \ \ * ||---- ||()
>>> / / | || / / || ||
>>> \ \ * ||----|| \ \ ^^ ^^
>>> / / ^^ ^^ / / Cow Chewing Marbles
>>> Cow in Heat
>>>
>>> (__) (__) * (__) * (__)
>>> (oo) (oo) \ (oo) | (oo)
>>> /--------\/ /-oooooo-\/ \-------\/ \-------\/
>>> * o| || * ooooooooo o o| || / ||
>>> ||----|| ooooooooooooo ||----||>==/-----||
>>> ooo^^ ^^ ooooooooooooooooo ^^ ^^ ^^
>>> Cow taking Cow in deep Cow getting the shit
>>> a shit shit kicked out of her
>>>
>>> o o
>>> |__| (__) (__)
>>> (oo) (oo) =(oo)= oo
>>> /-------\/ /-------vv /-------\/
>>> / | || / | || / | ||
>>> * ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----||
>>> ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
>>> bill bixby bela lugosi boris karloff claude rains
>>> male relative cow cow cow cow
>>>
>>> /\ __
>>> / \ ||
>>> (__) (__) \ / (_||_)
>>> SooS (oo) \/ (oo)
>>> /------S\/S /-------\/ /S /-------\/
>>> / | || / | || / S / | ||
>>> * ||----|| * ||----||___/ S * ||----||
>>> ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
>>> This cow belonged Ben Franklin owned Abe Lincoln's
>>> to George Washington this cow cow
>>>
>>> (__)
>>> * (__) (oo)
>>> \ (oo) /------\/
>>> \-------\/ /| |/ |
>>> | ==$ || / | [) ||
>>> ||----|| * ||----||
>>> ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
>>> Old "One Arm" belonged This cow was given to
>>> to Caesar's Palace Hugh Hefner for his Birthday
>>>
>>> (___) (__) (__)
>>> ( O ) (oo) (oo)
>>> /-------\ / \/--------\/
>>> / | ||V | |
>>> * ||----|| ||------||
>>> ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
>>> The cyclops that Jason and This cow lived with
>>> the Argonauts met had this cow Dr. Doolittle
>>>
>>> (__) (__)
>>> [##] (@o)
>>> /-------\/ /-------\/ /------- (__)
>>> / | || / | || / | || (oo)
>>> * ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----|---\/
>>> ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^
>>> This cow belonged This cow lived with This cow belonged to
>>> to Flash Gordon the Little Rascals the Headless Horseman
>>>
>>> (__)
>>> (oo)
>>> /---+ +--\/
>>> / | | | ||
>>> * ||-+ +-||
>>> ^^ ^^ *
>>>
>>> David Copperfield's Cow David Copperfield's other Cow
>>>
>>> (__)
>>> (oo)
>>> /'^^^-m
>>> (__) / '' ` )
>>> (oo) o /| /|/|_ | /|
>>> / \/ / / _ / | | | |
>>> / _\===^ ___\_____/___ |_____|_|
>>> ___|__/ |/\ (___________(_) //|| ||
>>> * ^ ^ * ww ww
>>>
>>> Mrs. O'Leary's Cow Cow'nt Dracula
>>>
>>> (__) (__) (__)
>>> (\/) ($$) (**)
>>> /-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/
>>> / | 666 || / |=====|| / | ||
>>> * ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----||
>>> ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
>>>
>>> Satanic cow Yuppie Cow Cow in love
>>> ____
>>> (____)
>>> .xxxx.
>>> (__) '(oo)`
>>> (oo) /-----'-\/ `
>>> /-------\/ / | |============>
>>> / | || * ||----| (~)
>>> * ||----|| ~~ ~
>>> ~~ ~~ Moo-ammar Cowdafi
>>> holy cow (armed and dangerous) (---)
>>> ( )
>>> (___) (___) /-----\
>>> (o o) (o o) | |
>>> /-------\ / /-------\ / | | |
>>> / | ||O / | O~ ||O | | |
>>> * ||,---|| * ||,---|| | * |
>>> ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
>>> A Bull A-bomb-in-a-bull No-bull Coward
>>>
>>> (__) \__\ (__)
>>> (oo) o (oo) (oo)
>>> /-------\/ ____\___\/ *+-------\/
>>> / | || / | || ||______||
>>> * ||----|| * ||----|| ||----||
>>> OO OO OO OO OO OO
>>> Detroit cow Mustang cow pickup cow
>>>
>>> (__) (__) \_||_~
>>> (oo) (oo) (*||*)
>>> /---------------\/ /----\/ /-------\||/
>>> / | || / || / | ||
>>> * ||------------|| *-||----|| * ||----||
>>> OO OO OO OO OO }{
>>> li-moo-cow fastback cow teenager's cow
>>>
>>> (____) (____) (____)
>>> (oo ) (o o) ( OO)
>>> /-----------\ / /-----\ /---- /-----------\ /
>>> / || | \/ / | | \/ | / || | \/
>>> / || |||| \ | | | | | / || ||||
>>> * ||||-----|||| *| | |-----| | | * ||||-----||||
>>> /\/\ /\/\ /\ /\ /\ /\ ^^^^ ^^^^
>>> This cow belonged This was Salvatore No one was sure whether
>>> to Pablo Picasso Dali's favorite cow M.C. Escher's cow had
>>> four legs or eight
>>>
>>> (__) (__)
>>> ^^ (oo) (--)
>>> ^^^^ /-------\/ /-\/-\
>>> ^^^^^ / | || /| |\
>>> ^^^^^ * ||----|| ^ | | ^
>>> ^^^^^^^^ ====^^====^^==== | |
>>> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^/ /----\
>>> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ / \ \
>>> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^ * ^
>>> Cow surfing at Malibu Cow sunning at Fort Lauderdale
>>> (What a bod, huh guys?)
>>>
>>> * (__)
>>> \ (DD)
>>> \ /-------\/
>>> |\ / | ||_\_/
>>> \ | \ (__) * ||----|
>>> \\|| \(oo) ^^ ^
>>> \||\ \\/ Cow chugging brews and staring at
>>> ^^ \|| sunbathers at Fort Lauderdale
>>> \\ ||
>>> \\||
>>> \||
>>> ^^ / / / / / / / / / / /
>>> \\_ / / / / / / / / / / / /
>>> \_ / / / / / _______ / /
>>> Cow skiing a Black Diamond at Aspen / / / / | \ / /
>>> / / / (__)| / /
>>> / / / (oo)| / /
>>> ( @@@ ) /-------\/ |
>>> ( @@ ) (------------) / | ||^_|
>>> @@ (__) ( *>COUGH<* ) * ||----|
>>> @@ (oo) . . . ( *>COUGH<* ) ^^ ^
>>> /--UU--\/ (____________)
>>> / | || Cow sheltering from English
>>> * ||---|| weather
>>>
>>> (New) Jersey Cow
>>>
>>> (__) _--------_
>>> (oo) |__________| BIG
>>> /-------\/ XXXXXXXXXX MAC
>>> / | 007 || __________
>>> * ||----|| |_ _|
>>> ^^ ^^ --------
>>> Cow licenced to kill Enemy Cow after having met previous cow
>>>
>>> x
>>> xxxx|xxxx
>>> xxxxxxx|xxxxxxx
>>> |
>>> //
>>> (__) // (__(__)
>>> (oo)// (oo(oo)
>>> /-------\// /-------\/ \/-------\
>>> / | |// / | || || | \
>>> * ||----| * ||----|| ||----|| *
>>> ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
>>> Mary Poppins Cow Siamese cows
>>>
>>> o o (__) ^
>>> \ / (oo) /
>>> \ / _____\/___/
>>> (__) \__/ / /\ / /
>>> (oo) _______(oo) ^ / * /
>>> /---------\/ /| ___ \/ / ___/
>>> / | x=a(b)|| / | { }|| *----/\
>>> * ||------|| * ||{___}|| / \
>>> ^^ ^^ ||-----|| / /
>>> ^^ ^^ ^ ^
>>>
>>> Mathematical Television This cow does Disco
>>> Cow Cow (That's what comes of
>>> (developer of (Cow-thode snorting cow-caine)
>>> cow-culus) Ray Tube)
>>>
>>> . /\ . . :
>>> . / \ . . :
>>> / \ . . * :
>>> / \ * :
>>> | (__) | . . ** :
>>> . /| (oo) |\ ** :
>>> / | /\/\ | \ . . * :
>>> . / |=|==|=| \ . * :
>>> . / | | | | \ . :
>>> / USA | ^||^ |NASA \ . :
>>> |______| ^^ |______| . :
>>> . (__||__) . . :
>>> . /_\ /_\ . . . :
>>> !!! !!! :
>>> :
>>> The cow that jumped over the moon. :
>>>
>>> o
>>> | [---]
>>> | |
>>> | | |------========|
>>> /----|---|\ | **** |=======|
>>> /___/___\___\ o | **** |=======|
>>> | | ___| |==============|
>>> | | ___ {(__)} |==============|
>>> \-----------/ []( )={(oo)} |==============|
>>> \ \ / / /---===--{ \/ } |
>>> ----------------- / | NASA |==== |
>>> | | * ||------||-----^
>>> ----------------- || | |
>>> / / \ \ ^^ ^ |
>>> / ---- \
>>> ^^ ^^ This cow landed on the moon.
>>>
>>> (__)
>>> ([][]) "I have this recurring dream
>>> __\/_--U about golden arches.".. (__)
>>> /\ \__ ^ :..("")
>>> /\\\ / / //\ ____\_____\/ //
>>> /----^/__/\ /\ // \\/ \___ / //
>>> \\\____/--\-- // /-/__________/ //
>>> /====== \/ =======/==============//
>>> *_/ / \ /^ // / \\
>>> / \ ^ // \\
>>>
>>> Psycowlogist and patient
>>>
>>> (___)
>>> \^^^^^^^^\ (__) (o o)
>>> \^^^^^^^^\\ (oo) \ /
>>> *-----\_______\/\/ \--O--/
>>> ^_______/ --- \______^ // -----\
>>> ^--------\ \S/ /\_____^ \\/_^{} /==V===[]
>>> \______/ \_____\\//
>>> \__/
>>> It's a bird... //\\ The Boss
>>> It's a plane... // \\ (Bruce Holstein)
>>> // //
>>> ^^ ^^
>>> ==================
>>> _____________________________ H H
>>> | |-------------| H (__) H
>>> | | ________ | H (oo) H __
>>> | COWNTY | | (|__|) | | H / \/ \ H / \
>>> | JAIL | | |oo| | | H | | | | H | STOP |
>>> | | |__|\/|__| | H D===b=----- H \ __ /
>>> | | o | H^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^H ||
>>> | | ^ | H H ||
>>> | | ] | H H ||
>>> | | | H H ||
>>> |_____________|_____________| H H ||
>>>
>>^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>>> Some cows get in trouble... Cattle Guard
>>>
>>> \ | / ___________
>>> ____________ \ \_# / | ___ | _________
>>> | | \ #/ | | | | | = = = = |
>>> | | | | | \\# | |`v'| | | |
>>> | | \# // | --- ___ | | | || | |
>>> | | | | | #_// | | | | | |
>>> | | \\ #_/_______ | | | | | | || | |
>>> | | | | | \\# /_____/ \ | --- | | |
>>> | | \# |+ ++| | | |^^^^^^| | | | || | |
>>> | | \# |+ ++| | | |^^^^^^| | | | || | |
>>> ^^^| (^^^^^) |^^^^^#^| H |_ |^| | |||| | |^^^^^^| |
>>> | ( ||| ) | # ^^^^^^ | | |||| | | | ||||||| |
>>> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^________/ /_____ | | |||| | | | ||||||| |
>>> `v'- ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ | ||||||| |
>>> || |`. (__) (__) ( )
>>> (oo) (oo) /---V
>>> /-------\/ \/ --------\ * | |
>>> / | || ||_______| \
>>> * ||W---|| || || *
>>> ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
>>> "Cow Town"
>>>
>>> ...---...
>>> ../ / | \ \..
>>> ./ / / | \ \ \.
>>> / / / | \ \ \
>>> / / / | \ \ \
>>> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>>> \ | /
>>> \ | /
>>> \ | /
>>> \ | /
>>> \ | /
>>> \ | /
>>> \ | /
>>> \ | /
>>> \ | /
>>> \ | /(__)
>>> \|/ (oo)
>>> /---++--\/
>>> / | || ||
>>> * ||-++-||
>>> ^^ ^^
>>> Cow surviving attack by Red Baron
>>>
>>> (__)
>>> (oo)
>>> /-------\/
>>> / | ||
>>> * ||----||
>>> ^^ ^^
>>> (__) (__)
>>> (oo) (oo)
>>> /-------\/ \/-------\
>>> / | || -^^- || | \
>>> * ||---- -^^- || *
>>> ^^ ^^
>>> (__) (__)
>>> (oo) (oo)
>>> /-------\/ \/-------\
>>> / | || || | \
>>> * ||----|| ||----|| *
>>> ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
>>> Barnum's Troupe of performing cows
>>>
>>> ____ ____ |+++++|
>>> |++++| ___ |++++| ____ |+++++|
>>> |++++| |++ ______________________ |++++| |+++++|
>>> |++++| |++/ /( )\ \ |++++| |+++++| __
>>> | | |+| |-oo- | \______ |++++| |+++++| |++|
>>> - - -(__)--| \__\/ _(__)_ \
>>> o ( oo /_______________________| (oo) \ | __
>>> | _/\_| | M O O - B U S T E R S|__\/\ /| | /oo| - Bleaurgh!
>>> |-| \\____ ------ )_ /| /\
>>> -|_ \_|-_|^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 0 _| * \/ *
>>> \ | __________________________________/
>>> | W| \ \_/ /----------------- \ \_/ /
>>> / /\ \ \___/ \___/
>>> / / \ \
>>> ^^^ ^^^ Who you gonna call...?
______________________________________________________
| T H E F A R T H E R S I D E |
| ~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ |
| See the WWW page listed below for subscription info |
| |
| http://www.dartmouth.edu/~field/tfs/ |
| Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.edu |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Approved-By: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@DARTMOUTH.EDU>
Date: Wed, 9 Apr 1997 06:11:46 EDT
Reply-To: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Subject: The Farther Side
Comments: To: tfs@caligari.dartmouth.edu
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Greetings!
Silly of me to wonder why... Jennifer had the answer after all - "Because Cows
Rule"
Uh... yeah.
Anyway, Here's a movie for you - Mac people, set your font to something fixed,
resize your window to 18 lines long (I'll put markers on the text) and page
down quickly to see the movie... Ya gotta love ascii art - and wonder about
these people!!
Enjoy,
Tony
Start scrolling down with the arrow key, and AS SOON AS it says
"** Start Hitting Spacebar Now **", start hitting the spacebar (or
page down key) slowly.
** Top Line of Screen **
o ___
/|\ /___\______
__/_\___/____|_
|
|
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
** Start Hitting Spacebar (or page down) Now **
o ___
/|\ /___\______
___/_\__/____|_
|
|
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
o ___
|=/___\_______
_____/>/____|_
|
|
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
o
|=___
/|/___\_______
_______/____|_
|
|
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
o
/|\
//_\\_______
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|
|
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
o
_/|\
/_/_\_______
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|
|
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
o
___/|\
/___/_\_____
_______/____|_
|
|
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
o
___ /|\
/___\/_\____
_______/____|_
|
|
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
o
___ /|\
/___\_/_\____
_______/____|_
|
|
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
o
___ /|\
/___\__/_\_
_______/____|_
|
|
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
o
___ /|\
/___\____/_\
_______/____|_
|
|
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
o
___ |=
/___\______|
_______/____|_
|
|
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
___ o
/___\__ |=
_______/____|_ ---_>
|
|
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
o
___ |=
/___\______>
_______/____|_
|
|
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
o
/=
___ _>
/___\___---
_______/____|_
|
|
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
o
/=
/
___
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|
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|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
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/ \
___
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_______/____|_ --
|
|
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
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___ \
/___\_______
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|
|
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
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|
|
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
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/___\_______ \o
_______/____|_ \
|
|
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
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_______/____|_ \
| |o
|
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
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_______/____|_ \|
| |
| |o
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
___
/___\_______
_______/____|_
| \|
| ' |..'
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/o'~~~~~~
-
___
/___\_______
_______/____|_ . .
| . '. '
| '.\/..'.
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/,~~~~
/o
-
___
/___\_______
_______/____|_
| .'..''..
| . .'.' '
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~;|/,~~
_o/
- /
___
/___\_______
_______/____|_
| .. .
| ..'.'.
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~;,;~~~
_o__/'
-
___
/___\_______
_______/____|_
|
| . .
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~;~~~~
o__// ''
- //
___
/___\_______
_______/____|_
|
|
|~~~~~~~~~~~~o~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
|\__
- \
___
/___\_______
_______/____|_
|
| o
|~~~~~~~~~/|\~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
/ \
-
___
/___\_______
_______/____|_
|
| o/
|~~~~~~~~~/|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
/ \
-
___
/___\_______
_______/____|_
| , Bye!
| o/
|~~~~~~~~~/|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
/ \
-
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Check out Nik's web page, and
help him test-run his
interactive sites! He'll
appreciate it...
http://www.cyberus.ca/~gizmo
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
______________________________________________________
| T H E F A R T H E R S I D E |
| ~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ |
| See the WWW page listed below for subscription info |
| |
| http://www.dartmouth.edu/~field/tfs/ |
| Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.edu |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Approved-By: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@DARTMOUTH.EDU>
Date: Thu, 10 Apr 1997 12:31:56 EDT
Reply-To: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Subject: The Farther Side
Comments: To: tfs@caligari.dartmouth.edu
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Greetings!
It's Garth.Sainio@dartmouth.edu's 21st birthday today - His friend told me that
he would really appreciate it if everybody sent him a little happy birthday
message...
Thanks to Jess for this one!
Enjoy,
Tony
>THE NEW PERIODIC TABLE
>
>In a recent contest, The Washington Post asked readers to dream up new
>elements for the Periodic Table. Among the best of the batch:
>
>Limbaughium Lb
>The heaviest known element. It possesses an ever-expanding mass.
>Very white. Acidic. Emits heat but no light. Instantly polarizes all
>elements that come in contact with it. Repels protons and electrons;
>attracts only morons.
>
>Billclintium Bc
>With a slick appearance and slimy texture, this element undergoes a
>series of interesting changes when in hot water.
>
>Canadium Eh
>Similar to Americium, but a little denser. Much more rigid. Often
>called Boron.
>
>Innofensium Pc
>Precisely equal numbers of electrons, protons, neutrons, leptons,
>quarks. Completely inert, utterly useless, but smells like a rose.
>
>Newtium
>Extreme irritant. Carries a strong negative charge. Does not
>possess magnetic properties. Can be purchased cheaply.
>
>Quaylium Vp
>Einsteinium it ain't.
>
>Budweisium Ps
>Has no taste or smell; is often indistinguishable from water.
>
>Cabmium Cb
>Found in abundance, except when needed. Exists in two states, in motion
>and at rest. When in motion, it cannot be stopped, no matter what you
>do. Cabmium has a charge associated with it. The charge is variable,
>and scientists have not determined the formula for calculating it.
>
>Politicium Po
>Contains a great deal of gas. Similar to radon in that it can reach
>lethal concentrations in the House.
>
>Congress Cg
>Atomic number 525. Can never be found in a solution.
>
>Snot Sn
>Bonds forever with corduroy.
>
>------------------------------
______________________________________________________
| T H E F A R T H E R S I D E |
| ~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ |
| See the WWW page listed below for subscription info |
| |
| http://www.dartmouth.edu/~field/tfs/ |
| Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.edu |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Approved-By: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@DARTMOUTH.EDU>
Date: Fri, 11 Apr 1997 09:35:54 EDT
Reply-To: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Subject: The Farther Side
Comments: To: tfs@caligari.dartmouth.edu
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Greetings!
Since I have received this from 7 people in the last 48 hours, I figured I
should send it out...
Enjoy!
Tony
The End of the Raven
-- by Edgar Allen Poe's Cat
On a night quite unenchanting, when the rain was downward slanting,
I awakened to the ranting of the man I catch mice for.
Tipsy and a bit unshaven, in a tone I found quite craven,
Poe was talking to a Raven perched above the chamber door.
"Raven's very tasty," thought I, as I tiptoed o'er the floor,
"There is nothing I like more"
Soft upon the rug I treaded, calm and careful as I headed
Towards his roost atop that dreaded bust of Pallas I deplore.
While the bard and birdie chattered, I made sure that nothing clattered,
Creaked, or snapped, or fell, or shattered, as I crossed the corridor;
For his house is crammed with trinkets, curios and wierd decor -
Bric-a-brac and junk galore.
Still the Raven never fluttered, standing stock-still as he uttered,
In a voice that shrieked and sputtered, his two cents' worth -
"Nevermore."
While this dirge the birdbrain kept up, oh, so silently I crept up,
Then I crouched and quickly lept up, pouncing on the feathered bore.
Soon he was a heap of plumage, and a little blood and gore -
Only this and not much more.
"Oooo!" my pickled poet cried out, "Pussycat, it's time I dried out!
Never sat I in my hideout talking to a bird before;
How I've wallowed in self-pity, while my gallant, valiant kitty
Put and end to that damned ditty" - then I heard him start to snore.
Back atop the door I clambered, eyed that statue I abhor,
Jumped - and smashed it on the floor.
From ???@??? Thu Apr 3 21:47:31 1997
Approved-By: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@DARTMOUTH.EDU>
Date: Sun, 13 Apr 1997 23:52:36 EDT
Reply-To: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Subject: The Farther Side
Comments: To: tfs@caligari.dartmouth.edu
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Greetings...
Another word of warning about a virus - they just keep getting worse!
Enjoy,
Tony
There is a computer virus that is being sent across the Internet.
If you receive an e-mail message with the subject line "Free
Money," DO NOT read the message. DELETE it immediately, UNPLUG
your computer, then BURN IT to ASHES in a government-approved
toxic waste disposal INCINERATOR.
Once a computer is infected, it will be TOO LATE. Your computer
will begin to emit a vile ODOR. Then it will secrete a foul,
milky DISCHARGE. Verily, it shall SCREECH with the tortured,
monitor-shattering SCREAM of 1,000 hell-scorched souls, drawing
unwanted attention to your cubicle from co-workers and
supervisors alike. After violently ripping itself from the wall,
your computer will punch through your office window as it STREAKS
into the night, HOWLING like a BANSHEE. Once free, it will spend
the rest of its days TORTURING household PETS and MOCKING the
POPE.
Some filthy, disgusting miscreant ... some no-good, low-down,
good-for-nothing DIRTY SNAKE, in twisted pursuit of her own
sadistic dreams, is sending this virus across the Net via an e-
mail entitled "Free Money." What is so terrifying about this
virus is that you do not even to have to open the e-mail for it
to activate. In fact, you do not even need to RECEIVE the e-
mail. You do not even need to OWN a COMPUTER. "Free Money" can
infect even minor HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES.
How it does this with straight ASCII code is, frankly, a matter
of some debate ... but BELIEVE YOU US, if this weren't a SERIOUS
situation, we wouldn't be discussing it in ALL CAPS.
So for the LOVE OF GOD, forward this e-mail to all those you
claim to care about, all those you purport to love. Don't do it
later! Do it NOW! Now! Now! NOW! NOW! NOW!
______________________________________________________
| T H E F A R T H E R S I D E |
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| See the WWW page listed below for subscription info |
| |
| http://www.dartmouth.edu/~field/tfs/ |
| Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.edu |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Approved-By: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@DARTMOUTH.EDU>
Date: Mon, 14 Apr 1997 12:42:55 EDT
Reply-To: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Subject: The Farther Side
Comments: To: tfs@caligari.dartmouth.edu
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Greetings...
It seems that I keep getting this message from the Mothership......
Also, don't forget your taxes!!
Finally, a message from Nik.
Enjoy,
Tony
MEMO
To: Heaven's Gate Personnel
From: The Mothership
Subject: Scheduled Pickup
For immediate distribution:
Due to extensive tail winds caused by the comet Hale-Bopp,
pickup of 39 passengers has been delayed til 2024 when we
pass by Earth again.
Do not eat the pudding at this time.
REPEAT: DO NOT eat the pudding at this time.
--- Forwarded Message from Nik Panter <gizmo@cyberus.ca> ---
As someone who has lost two good friends to drinking and
driving, anyone who gets anything from this will help.
Nik
>>DEATH OF AN INNOCENT
>> ********************************
>>
>> I went to a party, Mom, I remembered what you said.
>> You told me not to drink, Mom, so I drank soda instead.
>> I really felt proud inside, Mom, the way you said I would.
>> I didn't drink and drive, Mom, even though the others said I
>> should.
>>
>> I know I did the right thing, Mom, I know you are always right.
>> Now the party is finally ending, Mom, as everyone is driving
>> out of sight.
>> As I got into my car, Mom, I knew I'd get home in one piece.
>> Because of the way you raised me, so responsible and sweet.
>>
>> I started to drive away, Mom, but as I pulled out into the road,
>>
>> the other car didn't see me, Mom, and hit me like a load.
>> As I lay there on the pavement, Mom, I hear the policeman say,
>> the other guy is drunk, Mom, and now I'm the one who will pay.
>>
>> I'm lying here dying, Mom.. I wish you'd get here soon.
>> How could this happen to me, Mom? My life just burst like a
>> balloon.
>> There is blood all around me, Mom, and most of it is mine.
>> I hear the medic say, Mom, I'll die in a short time.
>>
>> I just wanted to tell you, Mom, I swear I didn't drink.
>> It was the others, Mom. The others didn't think.
>> He was probably at the same party as I.
>> The only difference is, he drank and I will die.
>>
>> Why do people drink, Mom? It can ruin your whole life.
>> I'm feeling sharp pains now. Pains just like a knife.
>> The guy who hit me is walking, Mom, and I don't think it's fair.
>>
>> I'm lying here dying and all he can do is stare.
>>
>> Tell my brother not to cry, Mom. Tell Daddy to be brave.
>> And when I go to heaven, Mom, put "Daddy's Girl" on my grave
>> Someone should have told him, Mom, not to drink and drive.
>> If only they had told him, Mom, I would still be alive.
>>
>> My breath is getting shorter, Mom. I'm becoming very scared.
>> Please don't cry for me, Mom. When I needed you, you were
>> always there.
>> I have one last question, Mom, before I say good bye.
>> I didn't drink and drive, so why am I the one to die?
>>
>> ************************
>>
>> Someone took the effort to write this poem.
>>
>> So please, forward this to as many people as you can.
>>
>>And see if we can get a chain going around the world that will make
>>people understand that drinking and driving don't mix.
______________________________________________________
| T H E F A R T H E R S I D E |
| ~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ |
| See the WWW page listed below for subscription info |
| |
| http://www.dartmouth.edu/~field/tfs/ |
| Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.edu |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Approved-By: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@DARTMOUTH.EDU>
Date: Tue, 15 Apr 1997 22:59:07 EDT
Reply-To: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Subject: The Farther Side
Comments: To: tfs@caligari.dartmouth.edu
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Greetings!
Only 61 minutes till taxes are due... Rush Rush!!!
The web page has been updated with new archives and a slightly new look. Check
it out.
Oh, by the way, that virus warning? It was a hoax... A couple of you weren't
quite sure about that... :-)
Here's a great one on creative writing thanks to Todd!
Enjoy,
Tony
This assignment was actually turned in by two English students:
In-class Assignment for Wednesday
Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story.
The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person
sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write
the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the
first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The
first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and
forth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in
order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both
agree a conclusion has been reached.
----------------------------------------------------------------
By Rebecca <last name deleted> and Gary <last name deleted>
English 44A SMU
Creative Writing
Prof Miller
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted.
The camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at
home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in
happier times, that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now,
at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was
suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma
started acting up again. So camomile was out of the question.
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to
think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo
named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year
ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his
transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign
of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish
particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through
his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him
flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before
he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the
one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards,
Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful
farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing
War and Space Travel." Laurie read in her newspaper one morning.
The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out
the window, dreaming of her youth -- when the days had passed
unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no
television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at
all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose
one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership
launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The
dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace
Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a
defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after
the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course
for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire
planet. With no one to stop them they swiftly initiated
their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered
the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret
mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the
coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion
which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The
President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We
can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's
blow'em out of the sky!"
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of
literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic,
semi-literate adolescent.
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose
attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
You total #!$*&.
Stupid %&#$!.
--
______________________________________________________
| T H E F A R T H E R S I D E |
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| See the WWW page listed below for subscription info |
| |
| http://www.dartmouth.edu/~field/tfs/ |
| Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.edu |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Approved-By: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@DARTMOUTH.EDU>
Date: Wed, 16 Apr 1997 23:28:43 EDT
Reply-To: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Subject: The Farther Side
Comments: To: tfs@caligari.dartmouth.edu
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Greetings!
Planning on travelling after graduation?
Enjoy,
Tony
ALABAMA:
Literacy Ain't Everything
ARKANSAS:
At Least We're not Oklahoma
CALIFORNIA:
Se Habla Ingles
CONNECTICUT:
New York City's OTHER Suburb
FLORIDA:
The Gunshine State
IDAHO:
Famous Potatoes ... and Neo-Nazis
ILLINOIS:
Gateway to Iowa
INDIANA:
Home of Dan Quayle
KANSAS:
Don't Blame Us, We Voted For Dole
KENTUCKY:
Tobacco is a Vegetable
MAINE:
For Sale
MARYLAND:
We're Better Than Virginia, Damn It!
MINNESOTA:
Land of 7,000 lakes and 3,000 man-made ponds
MONTANA:
Land of the Big Sky, and Very Little Else
NEW JERSEY:
The Garbage State
NEW MEXICO:
Lizards Make Excellent Pets
NEW YORK:
You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney
NORTH CAROLINA:
Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
OHIO:
Don't Judge us by Cleveland
OREGON:
Jerry Garcia was here!
PENNSYLVANIA:
Cook with Coal
SOUTH DAKOTA:
Closer than North Dakota
TENNESSEE:
The Educashun State
TEXAS:
Don't Mess with Texas -- We're Armed
UTAH:
Our Jesus is Better Than Your Jesus
VIRGINIA:
We're Better Than Maryland, Damn It!
WASHINGTON:
Keep Washington Green, Grow Hemp
WYOMING:
Flat Is Where It's At
______________________________________________________
| T H E F A R T H E R S I D E |
| ~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ |
| See the WWW page listed below for subscription info |
| |
| http://www.dartmouth.edu/~field/tfs/ |
| Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.edu |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Approved-By: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@DARTMOUTH.EDU>
Date: Mon, 21 Apr 1997 01:47:50 EDT
Reply-To: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Subject: The Farther Side
Comments: To: tfs@caligari.dartmouth.edu
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Greetings!
This is what you get when creative minds go over the edge...
Enjoy,
Tony
Products We Probably don't need
Electric Shocking Pager - Your employees will never forget a meeting with
these helpful reminders strapped to their bodies. This unbreakable
device will deliver a painful electric shock to notify them of all
pending appointments and approaching deadlines. Not legal for use on
livestock.
Shrieking Sonic Mind Mangler - Put on this sleek "virtual reality" helmet
and you're guaranteed to clear your mind in under a minute! Blinding
strobe lights andscreeching stereophonic sirens will overwhelm your
senses in a cacophony of stimuli. Requires ten D batteries, not
included.
Stress Enhancement Tapes - Don't lull yourself to complacent slumber with
sounds of ocean waves & forest breezes; pop in these jarring cassettes
and keep your edge! Feel your skin crawl as the sound of braking trolley
cars, multi vehicle highway accidents, and low-flying jets assaults your
ears on the Urban Rhythms tape. Thrill to the sounds of screeching
howler monkeys defending their territory on Shrieks of Nature!
Forty-seven tapes in all. Hurry ! Supplies are limited.
The Enchanted Chalkboard - Spend a thrilling evening with Itchi, Peruvian
master of the Musical Chalkboard, as his talented fingernails scratch out
your favorite tunes on this four album collection. Every hair on your
body will stand on end during his half-hour scraped rendition of Moon
River. Be moved to tears by his masterful two-handed interpretation of
Chariots of Fire. Perfect for the office!
FlossTracker - How many times has this happened to you: you just gorged
yourself on roast beef and corn on the cob, yet you discover you're now
out of dental floss! Well, you'll never be without floss again with
FlossTracker, the advanced software solution from FossWare. Record your
hourly flossing activity in the Spreadsheet Module to generate an
exhaustive statistical profile of your floss consumption, complete with
three-dimensional distribution plots and histograms. FlossTracker will
even monitor your current floss inventory, projecting your floss needs
for the coming weeks and automatically ordering additional floss as
necessary from the nearest FlossWare Regional Distribution Center.
FlossTracker requires a Pentium PC with 32MB of RAM, 1.2GB of storage
space, an atomic clock, a Romulan cloaking device, and Windows 95.
*********************************
Monday Night is Movie Night!
*********************************
The Irish Society will be showing the Commitments this upcoming Monday, April
21st, at 8 in the Hyphen, as always.
The Commitments is a great movie about North Dubliners who start a band to play
soul music. Based on the book by Roddy Doyle. This movie rocks!
Join us at the meeting at 730pm and stay for the movie. Munchies provided.
=========================================================
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[ Contents: UNSUBSCRIBE TFS or SUBSCRIBE TFS ]
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=========================================================
Approved-By: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@DARTMOUTH.EDU>
Date: Mon, 21 Apr 1997 21:49:09 EDT
Reply-To: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Subject: The Farther Side
Comments: To: tfs@caligari.dartmouth.edu
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Greetings!
ATTN: Dartmouth Students!! There is a very important referendum regarding DDS.
The results are far more reaching than simply the cost of your meal plan - one
option questions the entire residential nature of Dartmouth College. This is
not just a public opinion poll, it is a very serious vote that will have very
important effects on the college for years to come in the future. Do not let
important decisions get made without your input! Think carefully about the
implications of your choice - on the college, yourself, your parents, your
friends, future students, your experience, the community, the people who work
at DDS... Regardless of your opinion, VOTE!!! VOTE!!! VOTE!!!
<http://www.dartmouth.edu/projects/dds/>
Everything you wanted to know about college and university in one neat package
- for all those of you who are graduating this year... (Thanks to Jennifer for
this one)
Enjoy,
Tony
YOU MIGHT BE A COLLEGE STUDENT......
1. If you have ever price shopped for Top Ramen, you might be
a college student.
2. If you live in a house with three couches, none of which
match.
3. If you consider Mac and Cheese a balanced meal.
4. If you have ever written a check for 45 cents.
5. If you have a fine collection of domestic beer bottles.
6. If you have ever seen two consectutive sunrises
without sleeping.
7. If your glass set is composed of McDonald's Extra Value
Meal Plastic Cups (ie.Olympic Dream Team I or II).
8. If your underwear supply dictates the time between laundry loads.
9. If you cannot remember when you last washed your car.
10. If you can pack your worldly possesions into the back
of a pick-up (one trip).
11. If you have ever had to justify yourself for buying
Natural Light.
12. If the first thing you do in the morning is roll over
and introduce yourself.
13. If you average less than 3 hours of sleep a night.
14. If your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn't
15. If you go to Wal-Mart more than 3 times a week
16. If you eat at the cafeteria because it's"free", even
though it sucks
17. If you are personally keeping the local pizza place
from bankruptcy
18. If you wake up 10 minutes before class
19. If you wear the same jeans 13 days in a row -- without
washing them
20. If your breakfast consists of a coke on the way to class
21. If your social life consists of a date with the library
22. If your idea of "doing your hair" is putting on a
baseball cap
23 If it takes a shovel to find the floor of your room
24. If you carry less than a dollar on you at all times
because that's all you have
25. If you haven't done laundry in so long you are wearing
your swim suit to class
26. If your midnight snack is microwave popcorn
27. If you celebrate when you find a quarter
28. If your room is so cold that your toilet freezes over
29. If your walls are plastered with posters of half
naked men or women (whichever your preference)
30. If you have built up a tolerence for certain beverages
(he he he)
31. If you wear a sweat suit for so long that it stands up
by itself
32. If your backpack is giving you Scoliosis
33. If you get more sleep in class than in your room
34. If your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself
some Ramen Noodles
35. If you can sleep through your roommate's blaring stereo
36. If you live in an area that is smaller than most
mobile homes
37. If you get more e-mail than mail......
*****************************************************************
BEFORE I CAME TO COLLEGE I WISH I HAD KNOWN...
- that it didn't matter how late I scheduled my first class
I'd sleep right through it
- that I would change so much and barely realize it
- that you can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways
- that college kids throw airplanes, too
- that if you wear polyester everyone will ask you why you're so
dressed up
- that every clock on campus shows a different time
- that if you were smart in highschool - so what?
- that I would go to a party the night before a final
- that chem labs require more time than all my other classes put
together
- that you can know everything and fail a test
- that you can know nothing and ace a test
- that I could get used to almost anything I found out about my
roomie
- that home is a great place to visit
- that most of my education would be obtained outside my classes
- that friendship is more than getting drunk together
- that I would be one of those people my parents warned me about
- that free food served at 10:00 is gone by 9:50
- that Sunday is a figment of the world's imagination
- that psychology is really biology, biology is really
chemistry, chemistry is really physics, and physics is really
math
- that it is a really good idea to go places alone
- that it's possible to be alone even when you're surrounded by
friends
- that friends are what makes this place worthwhile!
- don't be dismayed at goodbyes
- a farewell is necessary before we can meet again, and meeting
again, after moments or a lifetime, is certain for those who
are friends.
***********************************************************************
71 THINGS TO DO ON AN EXAM WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE GOING TO
FAIL IT ANYWAYS!
I Had to remove some of the items in this section to accomadate the younger
audience.
1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've
got the secret documents!!"
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud,
debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop,
yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then
start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to
answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this
question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious
beliefs. Be creative.
5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a
sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I
have to leave the country" and run off.
6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into
very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry
Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the
exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15
min.
7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on
your head, and nothing else.
8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the
exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when she's not
looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to
another seat, continue with the exam.
12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out,
start commenting on how easy it was.
13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down
violently, scream out "Screw this!" and walk out triumphantly.
14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the
instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all
leaving after one hour to go drink.)
15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some
point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
16. Comment on how good the instructor is looking that day.
17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min,
put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of
the opera" until they drag you away.
18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest
proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers
into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything
to your own life story.
19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next
to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks,
chairs, anything you can reach.
22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.
23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2
rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if
necessary.
25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly
say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've
been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And
who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know
one, make one up!
27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and
answers completely blacked out.
28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor
asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb
that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a
clapper. DUH!"
29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy.
Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they
finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the
theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to
any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
Next section submitted by Jeremy Willis
31. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last
15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do
some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
32. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is
long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be
creative. Use the integral symbol.
33. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the
instructor's left nostril.
34. Bring cheerleaders.
35. Bring pets.
36. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
37 Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to
be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the
instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor
to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to
stay.
38. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and
true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out
interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc..).
39. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the
instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all
leaving after one hour to go drink)
40. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you
know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize
you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture.
Fight for your right to take the exam.
41. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing
loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this
drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!"
42. Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.
43. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
44. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way
through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have
bad circulation.
45. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is
obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise
you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and
staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the
attached notes for references as you see fit."
46. When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.
47. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around
like they do before concerts start.
48. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
49. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams,
etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
50. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks,
chairs, anything you can reach.
51. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards
at a 90 degree angle.
52. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If
you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of
the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find
the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to
use the phrase "Told you so".
53. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx
Sucks"
54. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the
person next to you as if he\she did it.
55. Write a short story about your childhood, or an experience
that you once had. If you can't think of anything, make something
up. Be creative. End the story with "I just thought I should tell
you."
56. Wear a mask or costume, pretend that you really DO think
that you're someone else.
57. Play loud music.
58. When you turn in your test, take all the ones under it and
throw them away or keep them or put your name on some of them.
Do it casually, as if that's what you are supposed to do after an
exam.
59. Dress like the professor.
60. Cross-Dress.
61. Borrow a friend's Video taping equipment and set up a lot of
lights and a camera around your desk. Call out instructions to
imaginary people who are supposed to be working the equipment.
62. Two words: Plastic Explosives.
63. Bring food or Drinks, pass them out to the class as if
you're supposed to be giving samples for a fund raiser. Use the
words "Would you buy something like this if we had a bake sale?"
It doesn't matter if they are baked goods or not.
64. Trip people as they walk by your desk.
65. Read all the questions out loud like Rain Man.
66. Walk around the room and ask people if there is anything
that you can help them with. Speak loudly stutter and spit. Make
a show of it.
67. Make several origami animals out of the test papers.
Re-enact scenes from your favorite soap opera with them.
68. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the
classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you.
When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules
of Tag Team Testing to him/her.
69. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam.
70. Order catering. The catering company should come in about
halfway through the test, and should include at least three
waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras.
71. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay,
let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C.
Number three, E...."
****************************************************************************
College habits you can bring home
Try to use your dorm key to unlock your bedroom door.
Have your mom scan your ID card for meals.
Look for a tray to carry your dinner to the table with.
Walk two blocks to go to dinner.
Forget to dial the first three digits of your friend's phone
number.
Dial 9 when calling out of your house.
Use your calling card when calling your friends.
Walk to the post office to get your mail.
Yell "FLUSH!"
Jump out of the shower just in case someone does flush.
Try to latch the bathroom door because you think you're in a
stall.
Take all your shower items to and from your room.
Get dressed in the dark.
Go nuts looking for the quarter slots on the washing machine.
Make junk food runs at 11:30 at night.
Make popcorn just because you miss the smell.
Order pizza every Friday night.
Have one of your friends spend the night because you can't sleep
in a room by yourself.
Move another bed, dresser, and desk into your room because there
is too much extra space.
Hang pictures of your college friends on the wall so you don't
miss them.
Hoard food under your bed for when it snows and you don't want to
go out.
Walk around the neighborhood looking for a computer lab (e-mail
withdrawal).
Fight your mother for quarters for the imaginary snack machine
and pay phone in the house.
=========================================================
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[ ]
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=========================================================
Approved-By: Tony Field <Anthony.T.Field@DARTMOUTH.EDU>
Date: Wed, 23 Apr 1997 00:07:36 -0500
Reply-To: Tony Field <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: Tony Field <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Organization: Dartmouth College
Subject: The Farther Side
Comments: To: tfs@caligari.dartmouth.edu
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Greetings!
Happy 23rd Birthday Fiona Danks!!! Woohoo!
The Farther Side will be displayed in a new format for the coming few
weeks. Feel free to make suggestions...
For most of you, Tax time has passed, but for some (like all of us
Canadians) we're right in the middle of it. So even "foreign" tax
humour is appreciated... Here's one from Sariya. Below that is a
REAL virus warning; broke, graduating seniors are vulnerable to it.
Enjoy,
Tony
Answers to common taxpayer questions
Q. Who is the current IRS commissioner, and is he or she a wacky dude
or dudette?
A. Her name is Margaret Milner Richardson, and she surely is. Check
out her "Dear Taxpayer" letter on page 3 of the form 1040 instrucion
package, wherein she states that the IRS has been recognized as a
"leader among government agencies in customer service."
Q. What is that comparable to?
A. That is comparable to stating that "cement is a leader among
construction materials for use as dessert topping."
--DAVE BARRY
--- Forwarded Bulletin from Help, Topic: Computers - Help Desk ---
>Date: 22 Apr 1997 10:13:19 -0400
>From: Help
>Subject: AOL4FREE: Not completely a hoax
>Bulletin Topic: Computers - Help Desk
>Expires: 13 Jun 1997 10:12:05 -0400
AOL4FREE has recently begun appearing on campus. Included below is a
description of the three *separate* items that appear as AOL4FREE.
One is a real Macintosh program (not a virus or trojan) that's use can
result
in serious prosecution charges. The second is a virus hoax, which
like the
others is harmless, and the third is a real *DOS* trojan horse program
that can
delete files.
The third item addresses the AOL4FREE trojan horse program, which is
the most
serious of the three.
*DOS users please take note*
Also included in item #3 is a URL for more information about the
AOL4FREE
trojan horse.
--------
Included below is quoted text from the
<http://ciac.llnl.gov/ciac/CIACHoaxes.html> web site.
---quoted text:
AOL4FREE actually consists of three separate, independent items:
1.The AOL4FREE Macintosh Program for gaining fraudulent accounts
on AOL.
2.The AOL4FREE Virus Warning Hoax.
3.The AOL4FREE.COM Trojan horse program that deletes all the files
on your
hard drive.
1.)
---
The first item is the AOL4FREE Macintosh Program which was originally
written
to provide illegal free access to America Online. In the March 1997
issue of
the CSI Computer Security Alert the following statement was made
concerning the
creator of that program:
"A former Yale computer science student has pleaded guilty to
defrauding
America Online. AOL estimates it
lost between $40,000 and $70,000 in service charges because the
student
distributed his computer
program, AOL4FREE, to hundreds of other users."
Note that any attempt to use the original AOL4FREE.COM program may
subject you
to prosecution.
2.)
---
The second item is the AOL4FREE Virus Warning Hoax message. The
following
message has been circulating around the
Internet, warning of a virus infected e-mail message:
**********************************************************************
**********
****
VIRUS ALERT!!!
DON'T OPEN E-MAIL NOTING "AOL4FREE"
Anyone who receives this must send it to as many people as you can.
It
is essential that this problem be reconciled as soon as possible.
A few
hours ago, I opened an E-mail that had the subject heading of
"AOL4FREE.COM".
Within seconds of opening it, a window appeared and began to
display my
files
that were being deleted. I immediately shut down my computer, but
it was
too
late. This virus wiped me out. It ate the Anti-Virus Software
that comes
with
the Windows '95 Program along with F-Prot AVS. Neither was able to
detect
it.
Please be careful and send this to as many people as possible, so
maybe this
new virus can be eliminated.
**********************************************************************
**********
****
This message has several problems that identify it as a hoax.
1.A virus like program can not spread in an e-mail message. While
an
infected program could be attached to an e-mail
message, the e-mail message itself cannot contain one in any
form that
could be executed.
2.A virus or Trojan horse program can not infect a system by
simply being
read. The current mail readers do not
execute an e-mail message, they display it on the screen for
you to
read. You must take care when downloading an
attachment to an e-mail message. In some mail readers you can
double
click on the attachment icon to have it
extracted and opened by whatever program created it. If that
attachment
is a program, it is downloaded and run, and
running any program you have not scanned could cause you to be
infected
with a virus.
3.While this warning message is a hoax, the things it describes
could be
accomplished with a Trojan horse program.
That Trojan horse could then be attached to an e-mail message
and if the
reader downloads and executes the Trojan
horse program, it could do the damage described in this
message. In
fact, someone has done that as is explained below.
3.)
---
The third item is the AOL4FREE.COM Trojan Horse. This program appears
to be the
AOL4FREE program that creates
fraudulent AOL accounts (though it is a DOS program instead of a
Macintosh
program) but is actually a simple compiled DOS
batch file that runs the DOS DELTREE command on the C:\ directory of a
DOS/Windows machine. The DELTREE command
deletes all files in a directory, including the directory itself and
any
subdirectories in that directory. The effect is to delete
all files on the C: drive of a DOS/Windows machine. If you should come
across
this program from any source, do not run it.
For more information see CIAC Bulletin H-47a: AOL4FREE.COM Trojan
Horse Program
Destroys Hard Drives
<http://ciac.llnl.gov/ciac/bulletins/h-47a.shtml>.
CIAC ALWAYS recommends that software downloaded onto a computer from
any source
(BBS, e-mail attachment, floppy,
web) be scanned with antivirus software prior to being run. Note that
most
antivirus software does not detect Trojans, so it
is important to know where your software came from before executing
it.
--
=========================================================
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=========================================================
Approved-By: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@DARTMOUTH.EDU>
Date: Wed, 23 Apr 1997 23:20:45 EDT
Reply-To: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Subject: The Farther Side
Comments: To: tfs@caligari.dartmouth.edu
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Greetings!
HTML, Java, Unix, DOS, COBOL, BASIC... What does it all mean? Where did it
come from????
Finally, the answers...
Enjoy,
Tony
>> History Of The Net
>> ==================
>>
>> First there was God. He was quite lonely so he created Dennis.
>>
>> Dennis was unimpressed with God.
>>
>> So,... God created Brian.
>>
>> But, Brian got bored with God.
>>
>> So Brian and Dennis started playing, and they created C. God saw C,
>> and saw that it was good. So he decided to let Brian and Dennis play
>> some more.
>>
>> Then Brian and Dennis created Unix. God saw Unix, and he was jealous.
>> So he created Bill to torment Brian and Dennis and obscure their
>> creation (for God could not destroy Unix, for he secretly admired
>> its perfection).
>>
>> So Bill created Microsoft. And Microsoft created Windows. And God saw
>> that it was bad, but it had market share, so he was happy. Then Bill
>> got cocky, and his ego got bigger than God's. So to knock Bill down a
>> couple of pegs, God put into effect, a wondrous plan.
>>
>> First God created Tim. And Tim created the World Wide Web (using
>> Unix, of course). This was good, but not THAT good. So God created
>> Marc. Marc created Mosaic (using Unix, of course). Mosaic created a
>> huge feeding frenzy that has got a lot of people who are reading this
>> their jobs.
>>
>> But that's a different story. Mosaic was good, and God saw it was
>> good, so he allowed Marc to start Netscape. Back to this later.
>>
>> But all this time Brian and Dennis started to make something better
>> than Unix called Plan 9 (because God was successful in foiling Brian
>> and Dennis' previous seven plans [there was no Plan 8 because Brian
>> and Dennis pulled the wool over God's eyes and just jumped to Plan 9,
>> which was too bright a move for even God to figure out.] )
>>
>> Eventually, God figured out how to create Larry.
>>
>> No one knows how or why he created Larry, except perhaps to reduce
>> productivity at the Jet Propulsion Labs at NASA. [Rumors are that God
>> created Larry because he secretly liked what Dennis and Brian had done
>> with C, but didn't think C and Unix was enough -- this probably isn't
>> true because God believed he had destroyed Brian and Dennis' plans by
>> destroying Plans 1-7, and by creating Microsoft to slay their beloved
>> Unix.
>>
>> Anyhow, Larry created Perl (using Unix and C, of course), and God saw
>> it was good, so he made Randal. Larry and Randal wrote books about
>> Perl. And everyone saw that this was good, except snobs who were too
>> much into C, Windows, and Intel. (It so happens that Randal was so
>> cool he figured out a way to break into Unix at Intel, and Intel sued
>> him for it but that's another story also -- chances are Randal would
>> not have been able to break into *Plan 9* at Intel, but Intel isn't
>> cool enough to be running Plan 9)
>>
>> Anyhow, back to Randal. So Randal and Larry wrote books, but they had
>> to be nice because of the people they worked for. So then came Tom.
>> But back to Tom later.
>>
>> Anyhow, God saw Netscape (made using Unix and C, of course), and he
>> saw it was good, and that annoyed Bill quite a bit. And that made Him
>> very happy, and made Marc very rich. But Bill was very very rich. But
>> that's a *completely* different story.
>>
>> But as good as Larry's creation, Perl, was, it couldn't do everything,
>> so God created Scott. Scott announced Java, and this was big news. Now
>> Java really pissed Bill off, because Bill also created Blackbird, and
>> Java killed Blackbird. This was bad because killing Blackbird also
>> meant killing the Microsoft Network. And many rejoiced over that, but
>> that, too is another story.
>>
>> Now Java, obviously had done much to annoy Bill. For Java was so good
>> that Bill had to license Java. All this time, Scott poked lots of fun
>> at Bill because Sun, which was where Scott worked, made a better OS,
>> derived -- of course -- from Unix, which was better than Bill's and
>> Microsoft's Windows.
>>
>> Anyhow, even God's creations Steve and Steve who created Apple
>> couldn't make Bill license the much superior MacOS. But finally, Bill
>> had to license Java. So justice was served, and Bill's ego was served
>> him on a platter for him to eat his words. Or something. That part is
>> unclear.
>>
>> So by this time Windows and Microsoft and Bill in general really
>> sucked. Especially considering the advantages that Brian and Dennis'
>> C and Unix, running Marc's Netscape and Mosaic over Tim's World Wide
>> Web, doing cool CGI stuff with Larry's Perl, which you learned from
>> Randal and Tom, and got to program with Scott's Java.
>>
>> And God realized he had put Bill down too far. So then God made it so
>> that Marc's Netscape and Mosaic could run on Windows. We already know
>> that Bill had to license Java from Scott. We know that Bill missed
>> the boat for not beating Tim to the punch on the World Wide Web. The
>> last straw was for God to make it possible for Larry's Perl to run on
>> Bill's Windows.
>>
>> So back to Tom. Tom was a Perl God. And God didn't like this, but
>> Tom's a God so there isn't much God could do, so He couldn't stop Tom
>> from saying things like "install an operating system on your poor
>> lonely computer the way God and Dennis intended", and "Espousing the
>> eponymous /cgi-bin/perl.exe?FMH.pl execution model is like reading a
>> suicide note -- three days too late."
>>
>> The moral to the story? God is fickle. That's why Microsoft and Bill
>> and Windows exists. Do what God intended, install C, Unix,
>> Mosaic/Netscape, Java, and Perl on your system, and make Brian,
>> Dennis, Larry, Tim, Tom, Randal, Scott, and even Steve and Steve,
>> I'm sure, happy by doing so.
>>
>> Oh yeah, Linus was cool too. He's the guy you thank for being able to
>> run all the cool stuff on your crappy little Pee Cee. (anything with
>> x86 on it, by default, is crappy, no PERSONAL flames intended)
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Approved-By: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@DARTMOUTH.EDU>
Date: Sun, 27 Apr 1997 01:35:01 EDT
Reply-To: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Subject: The Farther Side
Comments: To: tfs@caligari.dartmouth.edu
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Greetings!
Hey Dartmouth folk - my brass quintet will be performing a Take 5 in the Top of
the Hop this Monday at 5. Give us 25 minutes of your time and we guarantee you
a relaxing study break!
And now... a little story about exams - Don't try this at Harvard!!
Enjoy,
Tony
Here is a true story regarding exams at Cambridge University.
It seems that during an examination one day, a bright young student popped up
and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale. The following dialogue
ensued:
Proctor: I beg your pardon?
Student: I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale.
Proctor: Sorry, no.
Student: Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you bring me
Cakes and Ale.
At this point the student produced a copy of the four hundred year old Laws of
Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect, and pointed to the
section which read (rough translation from the Latin): "Gentlemen sitting
examinations may request and require Cakes and Ale." Pepsi and hamburgers were
judged the modern equivalent, and the student sat there, writing his
examination and happily slurping away.
Three weeks later the student was fined five pounds for not wearing a sword to
the examination.
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Approved-By: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@DARTMOUTH.EDU>
Date: Sun, 27 Apr 1997 21:02:34 EDT
Reply-To: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: "Anthony T. Field" <Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU>
Subject: The Farther Side
Comments: To: tfs@caligari.dartmouth.edu
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Greetings!!
Happy 19th Birthday Sarah Healy!!
healysf@bc.edu
Hey Dartmouth Students! Come spend 25 minutes and relax to some great music
for brass quintet at tomorrow's Take 5 at the Top of the Hop. Our quintet,
Brass^5 consists of myself, Derek Burkins, Jessica Baldwin, Ben Malkin and
Kevin Findlan...
And now, a quick quote thanks to Andy!
Enjoy,
Tony
My school colors were clear. We used to say, "I'm not naked, I'm in the band."
-- Steven Wright
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Date: Mon, 28 Apr 1997 21:43:19 -0500
From: "Anthony T. Field" <atfield@sprynet.com>
Reply-To: atfield@sprynet.com, Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU
To: tfs@caligari.dartmouth.edu
Subject: The Farther Side
Greetings!
Happy Birthday Tim Redl!
(timber@dartmouth.edu)
Today marks the beginning of a transition to my new email account as
I'm graduating this June. Hereafter please send all list-related
comments to this account. Note also the sign on/off procedures in the
signature. Tell your friends! The Farther Side is beginning to grow!
And now a quick quote:
Enjoy,
Tony
GOD IS DEAD
- Nietzshce
NIETZSHCE IS DEAD
- God
--
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Approved-By: "Anthony T. Field" <atfield@SPRYNET.COM>
Date: Tue, 29 Apr 1997 23:50:57 -0500
Reply-To: "Anthony T. Field" <atfield@sprynet.com>
Sender: The Farther Side <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
From: "Anthony T. Field" <atfield@sprynet.com>
Subject: The Farther Side
Comments: To: tfs@caligari.Dartmouth.EDU
To: Multiple recipients of list TFS <TFS@caligari.dartmouth.edu>
Due to technical difficulties beyond my control, this did not reach
everyone yesterday. My apologies to Tim, who celebrated his birthday
yesterday.... Well, at least 3 people knew - the other 735 of you had
to wait until now to find out...
So once again, yesterday's The Farther Side:
Greetings!
Happy Birthday Tim Redl!
(timber@dartmouth.edu)
Today marks the beginning of a transition to my new email account as
I'm graduating this June. Hereafter please send all list-related
comments to this account. Note also the sign on/off procedures in the
signature. Tell your friends! The Farther Side is beginning to grow!
And now a quick quote:
Enjoy,
Tony
GOD IS DEAD
- Nietzshce
NIETZSHCE IS DEAD
- God
--
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Date: Tue, 29 Apr 1997 23:54:13 -0500
From: "Anthony T. Field" <atfield@sprynet.com>
Reply-To: atfield@sprynet.com, Anthony.T.Field@Dartmouth.EDU
To: tfs@caligari.dartmouth.edu
Subject: The Farther Side
Greetings
Once again, the Farther Side is moving to a new email address. Please
direct all questions and concerns to this address. (note the change
in the signature) Archives will be moved over shortly.
And now, for all you early 80s fans out there who would rather spend
the time partying than studying, Jeff's contribution might just
describe your exact situation!
Enjoy,
Tony
"I Will Survive" (College Version)
At first I was afraid
Now I'm petrified
That I can't keep my GPA of 2.5
I spent all those stupid nights
Chilling way too long
And that was wrong
But now I must be strong
And now they're back
They're in my face
3 finals and 2 papers
to be done in just five days!
I shouldn't have gone out
I shouldn't have partied
'Cause now all this work I have
Is piling up on me!
And I must go
to the library
To do research on those papers
And, yes, I must study
It's hell, I'll tell you that
and you know it's not a lie
But I can't crumble
I can't lay down and die
Oh no not I!
I will survive!
If I keep a 2 point O
At least I'll be alive!
I've got five more days to live
and I think my brain will give
But I'll survive!
I will survive!
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